What is not working....

A number of things just not in sync.
Procrastination is HUGE.

More off than on concerning the gym. Procrastination mostly, but a bit more.
A few times ago, realized that I am at that age/ aesthetic of "invisible." Hit hard..... Reminded me of Sevilla, when the API guy said I was too old to study abroad (just a jerk to me in general) and I pursued the guy he was after (rather aggressively.... feria). Very easy, really. Ironic how this guy fell for another American, one who I though was way below league..... Anyway, that "invisibleness" was a slap in the face.

Job is in flux. The district is cutting out 6th grade art, so my job is gone at the end of the year.
Rundal would like me in Zachary's job, but Zachary needs to give his notice- which he may or may not, depending on if he finds another position in the district. He seems not to be in a hurry and was a bit smug about his "seniority."
I have a bit of time before a panic sets in, although I feel a bit uncomfortable. The responsible thing would be to send out resumes to the outlying districts. But that means a portfolio overhaul, which I really do not want to do and have procrastinated since the winter break.
Union rules gives seniority the most weight, over choice of the principal. We will see.
I am not looking forward to cleaning out my room come June.

After our discussion last Friday, David and I have not returned to the topic.
Things have returned to normal, rather, not changed at all. Not that I want some big change.
He knows how I feel, so at least it is out there.
Topic will return in a couple of weeks.

Monday will begin the 4th week of being totally smoke-free.
Moody, but not so bad. Tired.
I decided that not smoking is more important than other things, so as my metabolism changes and I devour the jellybeans, I am not all that concerned about weight.

I am concerned about my skin, as this begins the second month of no meds due to liver concerns (long time antibiotic usage- 20 years?). Acne and follicular infections are prevalent, but I can not take anything until results improve. No supplements either.
So, not feeling any sort of attractiveness.... acne, wrinkles, hair loss, weight gain....
No wonder I feel invisible.