Knot in Stomach

The thought of returning to a mess on the 3rd is really racking my nerves. Not quite sure what to do, other than just prepare for a conflict and figure out some-sort of resolution. My mind, of course, has been churning the worst-case scenarios. But who knows, really? I will bring a copy of my resignation, just in case the scenario happens.

I just need to deal with whatever comes.
I need to reevaluate my classroom management plan.
I need to revive my passion for teaching- do what I like to do and quickly deal (therefore spend less time) with things I do not like to do.

So, plans for the end of the semester nearly finished (half-finished).

Second semester (if I still have a job/ not quit the job), will be a clean slate for many things. I hope to turn some things around, and to push students in a more-serious direction of learning the language. Still, I am not planning too far ahead (being cautious).

Looked at jobs on the ISBE. There are a handful posted for next year. I need to update resume and portfolio. I hate being in the same position as last summer- but it will just have to be.

Birthday came and went with little fanfare- just as I wanted. Went to school, actually, to drop off notebooks and pick up Spanish literature books for Susi. Picked up Sara at the bus stations (holiday with family). Worked on lesson plans. Picked up Dos Reales for dinner (not so good) and watched t.v..

It is sad really, this life I mean.
Disenchantment has lead to the acceptance of an unfulfilling status quo, leading to a dullness of life and enjoyment.

How much unhappiness is acceptable?
How much uneasiness is livable?

Do I even know what I want anymore?

What will be my catalyst for change?