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A bit of a sour day yesterday, but it was OK.

At first, I planned to just stay home, but after a bit of a guilt trip from Mom, I drove out to Bloomingdale.
I had to pick up Sara at the ER. David took her there because she was having gastro issues. I guess she had gallbladder problems before, but this time, most likely, it was gas.
I had to renew my driver's license; I went to the Belvidere office, but was closed. In the 'burbs, we could not find the Wheaton office, so up to Schaumburg- an hour, but I got it done.
Lunch and shopping. Home around 7pm.
Mom said I was moody, and conversation was slow, but it was an OK visit.
Wine at Garrett's with David; brought dinner home.

Overall, it was OK.

Next year, I need to be somewhere else.

Sunday, I went to work for a few hours. Lunch with Cheryl, which is always an on-and-off thing- she gets on my nerves, but is a good person to vent to. Then off to the JHS: two weeks of copies, updated my main bulletin board, wrote the newsletter, and cleaned up a bit. I do not plan to go back until school resumes.

All last week, I worked on school work. I think I have five weeks of plans done (Feb 13?), although did not finish unit 3- which I wanted to do. But, I gave myself the week to focus on school work; this week is for house work/ projects.

Christmas Day:
Lunch at Mom's- Adam, Martina, Nancy, and Bob. Her place is small, and then add the animals, and it was not such an inviting day. She really needs to clean out that house, which makes me reflect on my own list of unfinished and unappealing home.

I think next year we will be traveling. I mentioned it at Mom's- no one needs more 'stuff,' so why not 'experience' something. A cruise was the first idea, but I do not know. If Candi is still around, David and I will not go. It needs to be somewhere closer, driveable. Sadly, I believe Candi is not even fit for any sort of travel anymore.

David and I decided no gifts this year, instead we are going to work on the house. We will see how it takes for us to start.

Went to Denise's afterwards, which was OK.

Only one more 'holiday' and then it is over. Again, the less I think about it, the less it all affects me- although I am a bit in a sour mood.

So, it is the end of the year, lots of reflection, leaning towards the reinvention stage. But honestly, I am tired of the cycle. Still, I will probably go through it again- as it is what I do.

Body- mind-family-financial- etc.... you know the drill.

Accomplishment of goals I set for this past year?
I have a savings account (small).
And that is pretty much it.

For this year?
Let the list begin. haha

Christmas Eve Day

More snow.
Shoveled a couple of hours yesterday and I will have to do the same today.
Tomorrow is supposed to be clear.
I need to get out there before the freeze sets in. Yes, another one.

At least it will be a bit of a break from school work. I finished grading and now working on plans. Almost finished with the semester, then I begin next semester material. I hope to get units 3 and 4 done over the weekend. Culturally, three is about Puerto Rico and four is about Spain. Of course, I am more excited about the latter. I am going to build on my previous lesson teaching reorganization and see if I can come up with a better system.

By Sunday, I plan to be finished with work stuff, so next week I can concentrate on other things. I have a list of projects and things to do that need to be attended to. It will be busy. Hopefully, it will not snow so much.

Otherwise, tomorrow morning at Mom's, then David's family in the late afternoon.
I have things to wrap today. I think I have enough tape; using paper from the basement. I did not buy any new wrap this year.

Calls today to various people: Deirdre, Aunt Michelle, Nancy Olson, Ann, the Munros. A few way-past due, but it was OK.

You know, the holiday is not all that bad if I do not think about it too much.

Bitter Cold

Below freezing past couple of days.....

Today, the same; wind chills in the -10s,20s. Nearly painful to go out; hence my excuse for not running out today.

It is so cold, the snow is like sand.

I have plenty to do inside, although I am not doing much of that either. Grading to finish; posting grades; schedules together.

Defiance?
These inner-wars are always so self-defeating.

Plenty to do- so just do it.

It is a bad turn. I feel it.

Weekend One

A few things accomplished yesterday, but not as much as I wanted; lazy. Still, the day was OK.

After a nap, it took me nearly two hours to shovel. The official snow total for Rockford was just over seven inches, but I think it was more. The paths for Candi and Eva slowly expand each snow. We are supposed to receive more snow this afternoon- a few inches.

I need to run errands before it starts, but again, a bit lazy and a late start today.

Today, the plan is to run my errands and to clean the house and then to grade the second quarter exams and update grades on the computer. Not much, but I feel the weight.

I have to make chili first.

Otherwise, OK.

Second Snow Day- Winter Break Begins

Snow day number two; the last day before break.

Really, it could not have come a day sooner as I was hitting my limit with student behavior and lack of effort.

I anticipated this on Wednesday, as the forecast was for ice/snow at nearly a foot. It was supposed to begin yesterday at three, then moved to five, then moved to nine. I skipped the Department holiday party due to the forecast. (Honestly, I really did not want to go anyway.) Light snow just about 11 last night, and then hit while I was sleeping.

Not all that bad; a lot of snow, not ice.
Right now, just past nine, and it should be over soon. No totals yet, as we are still getting bit of snow, but probably a foot of snow on the driveway.

I submitted the 2010 Costa Rica trip. Now, it is just waiting for HS Principal approval and then it will go to the board.

Agenda?
I was up at the usual time.
Getting my weekly things done: calendar, bills, etc.
Depending on the weather, maybe shopping- this is the weekend before Christmas. I would rather do it today than tomorrow.
I will have to shovel, of course.

Winter Break TTD list.
Preparations for post-break (review and semester exams) and January displays.

Otherwise, my thoughts are still in-process. Two weeks off. I do not want to waste them.

Holiday blues on and off.
Memory....

No school tomorrow?

Bizarre weather.
Snow melting in 40+ degree temperature today, only to have quick-freeze rain overnight with temperatures in the teens tomorrow and negative wind-chills.
Too dangerous to drive.
I have my fingers crossed that the district 'powers-that-be' will be smart about it.

Otherwise, still in the blah mood.
Not good; not bad. Somewhat indifferent, I guess, but anxious.

Final week before break- it is going to be loony.

Ups and Downs

Mix of many things....

Not sure about the holidays this year. Mood is really crazy; holiday blues slips in then goes away. At least the shopping is done- just waiting for packages now.

Work this past week a bit nuts. Students not where they are supposed to be; behavior is not so well. Plus, the calendar keeps changing and email notices that students will be gone on this day or that day for whatever reason. Next week is supposed to be our second-quarter exams. I am not quite sure of the days anymore; I may have to split up the exams to non-sequential days. If we have a snow day on Monday (warm and rainy on Sunday followed by overnight quick freeze), it will be even more crazy.

Birthday is creeping up. Mental issues with age also affecting mood.

So, not good and not bad, but not really in between either. More of a swing.

First Snow Day

I anticipated the day off.

Icy rain overnight and 1-3 inches of snow today.
Not all that much snow thus far (on and off), but it is icy.

I do not like to drive when it is icy; nerve racking.
Better safe than sorry.
Last Monday, I arrived around 7:40 (called at 6:30 to say I was going to be late) as it was slippery. I need to weigh-down the car in the back. I have to remember to do this.

Ironic warm up later in the week- near 40.

Sunday

Weird to not have a busy-busy Sunday.
Up since 6:30 and been lazy: Finished Christmas shopping list; work emails; prepared lunch for week.
I still have to clean, and I skipped the gym today and yesterday. But pretty much everything else is done.

David and I went to Five Forks last night on a whim. Nice, but it is always an expensive venture.

Holiday shopping will be expensive this year- a lot of spa certificates, as I have zero ideas.

Maybe I will take a nap.

Pre-holiday

First week of December finished- actually, it went quite quick. I was fearing that it would be a long drag. And, for the most part, the week went OK, although student issues on Wednesday and Thursday (behavior).

Went to the gym every morning. A definite difference in mood.

Finished all of my lesson plans last weekend (which all went according to plan- better than 'more or less') so this weekend is pretty much for personal time.

Last night, I finished my school work (grading, seating chart for week) and started laundry.

Today, after going to the gym, I will run errands and clean the house.

After that, Christmas shopping- at least the selections.
I've gone through all of the catalogs- meager selections. I have no ideas for Mom or Dad.
I really do not want to go to the mall, but I might have to.

Christmas spirit?.... not really around.
Memories of holidays past. It is just not the same anymore.
It is not the commercialism, but it could be a part of the dull of the senses. Rather, it is just not the same.
Now, it is all just a hassle; very little joy.
Perhaps resentment.

Nevertheless, the holiday will come and go. Hope the pain is not too bad this year.

End of Long Weekend

Four days; Thursday- Sunday, for Thanksgiving.
Did not do much, rather we did not do anything "Thanksgiving." Chicken and stuffing (Swiss chicken) and I spent the day working on work (grades).

It is just not the same anymore.

I remember Grandma and Grandpa coming up from Louisiana for a couple of weeks, Mom and Grandma cooking in the kitchen for a couple of days, and sitting at the dining room table (Bloomingdale).
Going to Dunkin' Donuts with Grandpa.
Going home for lunch- mini-pizza.
A day shopping for clothes, maybe a coat.

But that is a long time ago.
People move, relationships change, and we get older.
As an adult (without children) it can become just another day.

It could be my 'holiday blues,' which seemed to hit early this year; a couple of weeks ago, I began to feel it.
Perhaps the stress of other things brought it on, with feeling that there not very much to look forward to and too much expectation.

Interesting holiday blues.... (symptoms)
Nothing to do on Thanksgiving (memories past)
Dad's birthday (reflection on own age).
Hanukkah (desire for tradition).
Christmas at Mom's this year (always a headache wherever it is; never as it should be).
Birthday (reflection; age issues; desire for change).
New Year (reflection; desire for change).

Interesting dream the other night; I guess I was somewhat vocal during my sleep, calling out David's name.
It starts in a small bedroom with a cot and mattress. David is there and I ask him why he is there. He tells me that he is sleeping there because I keep him up.
It is a Goodwill/ Salvation Army place. I see a woman dropping off a pair of shoes- blue straps, looks new. She is talking to someone, saying why she is dropping off new shoes- I do not remember the reason.
So I leave, night, in the car. Pyewacket (old cat) is sitting in the passenger seat. I think he was talking/ communicating with me. The car is flipped (European), so my seat is on the right.
It begins to snow or rain- either way I can not see. Then still images, b&w, pop up on the windshield- nothing specific, cropped images. Then a bright white light.... maybe a crash.
And I wake up.

So what does it mean?
1. Argument: conflict/ unsettled business in waking like. Could reflect how I feel that I do not get enough sleep or it could be that I believe David sleeps at the wrong time.

2. Shoes: represents approach to life. New shoes leans to being overconfident- I think this has to do with work. The color blue means a lot of things, in this dream it could mean loyalty (to David or to my job), or wisdom, optimism, or a clear mind. On the other hand, blue can be a metaphor for 'being blue'/ sad (as is life- could reflect my feeling of the holiday).

3. Driving: path in life. The fact that I can not see the road ahead symbolizes that there is the unknown in my life/ lacking direction. I can not find 'opposite,' but I would assume it represents something that is not the way it should be. Night means setbacks/ issues- I've got plenty of those. Black and white could be that I need to be more objective or find a balance in life or depression. 'Finding a balance' is interesting- I've been having balance issues (time management) for a month or so- since I had the cold (with another on the way). A bright light is a need to move to a 'higher awareness,' common in those near death- interesting. A car crash symbolizes a belief/ lifestyle clash with another person (David or Kathy- dept. chair) or painful experience or a forewarning of an accident due to careless driving (I am always afraid of hitting a deer on my way to work).

4. Pyewacket (pet), could be instinct or temper- a lot lately; (cat/ black cat) independence, power, misfortune, someone is being deceitful towards me / fear; (talking animal) primitive wisdom- which is interesting, because I did feel a sense of calm.

Otherwise,
Three days spent on work and not much else- It felt good to finish it all up. Grades first (posted for mid-quarter) and I finished three weeks of lessons (up to winter break) with all of the handouts and set the second quarter exam and an objective guide for the semester exam. It is going to be busy, if not nuts. And then there is only the week after winter break for the semester exam- it should be two, as the first week back is never a very productive week.
Went to the gym on Thanksgiving morning, but nothing after. December first tomorrow; I need to get it into gear.

My list of things to do has dwindled, but is still a bit long.
Need to clean the house (too busy last weekend); finish laundry; ironing; and get prepared for the week.

Heavy snow expected today through tonight; Rockford may get 8 inches, 6 in Freeport, and a freeze overnight. Could be an interesting day tomorrow. Snow day? It would really screw up my lessons, there are no 'extra' days in these sets of plans. It it packed, packed, packed. I will keep my phone on just in case of a call.
Right now, just a meager snow- flakes blowing around. It is supposed to get heavy early evening and overnight.
Could be a pretty sight in the morning.

I wanted to get holiday shopping done. It is a short season this year- three weeks. I will have to do during the week I guess. It needs to be finished by next weekend.

Things to do. Things to do.

November Chill

Cold and more cold.
Had the first flakes of snow, but it did not last; first icicle.
The chill remains.

School OK.
Ups and downs. I am still trying to get some sort of balance- students who study and those who do not; humor and discipline. It can be very trying.
I am backtracking and reassessing how I teach the material. I think I may assume too much (that all students study and do the assignments) and may not review material enough. I usually only do direct methods when I introduce the material, but this may not be enough for some. And then there is my 'banter' between humor and anger. There is a big swing. Perhaps I just need to teach and not worry about personality. I believe my jokes create a more relaxed atmosphere, but perhaps, students feel picked on (probably not) and one parent complained (student got caught talking during quiz; mother, who works at the HS, mentioned things I said, in humor, to student. It is deflection.).
The latter has created a mood.
I submitted my quarterly reflection. When asked, Mikkelsen said she did not read it. I have not heard anything from Swords.
Costa Rica plans almost decided. The Department is leaning for a cheaper trip-so it will be EF or Explorica.

No planning this weekend- did two weeks last weekend. Still had a bit of grading though. Not bad. Next weekend (Thanksgiving 4-day weekend), I will be busy planning through Winter Break, mid-quarter grades, and working on my proposal for Costa Rica.

Do I really want to stay another year?
Hmmmm.

FLIC bowling activity today at 2pm.
It is just past noon and I have no desire to get moving.
Tomorrow, going to Chicago for Adam's birthday.
Another thing I am not thrilled about.

Still no gym.
Dragging, definitely.

I need a quiet, uneventful weekend.
I'll take it for the week, if I can.

Breadth of Autumn

Warm 70s earlier this week, now 40s, and a hint of snow yesterday. I wish I could use the fireplace (back draft issue), as that is what the weather calls for. Most of the trees already bare, only the yellows remain; the red-violets, crimsons, dusty oranges- all blown away. Still, I enjoy this weather.
I thought I would get another mow in, but I guess not. Perhaps next weekend. As for the garden clean-up, a wash (of course).

Short week due to student-lead conferences. A handful of scheduled conferences, with a number of students (w/parents) stopping by. Overall, they went well. Summary, some with concerns, sent to Ries and Swords. I may have a couple more next week- although, I really do not want to do them. To me, I stayed late on Thursday and Friday to accommodate schedules.
With the short week, I decided on a week of review- Q1 material (packets). I know this will put us behind a bit, but I need to bring, or try to bring, all students up to a basic level of understanding before we hit the verb conjugations. I reminded students that review helps everyone, still, those that need it are continuing to slack-off, whereas those that really do not need it find it easy.

Students also had time to plan for the Dia de los muertos fiesta- Monday, 10th. I am nervous about this one. Frankly, only two, maybe three, classes deserve the fiesta. The other ones, due to select behvavior issues, I may be making a mistake.
This year, I was very specific with the committees' objectives: food committee has to make el pan de muerto; decoration committee has to make an altar and papel picado; history committee has to focus on the calaveras.
Maybe too much, too focused.
Of course, I had students who were late with the permission slip (mainly for food allergies)- a threat of a five-page paper had a few scattering, with a couple of parents dropping off slips.

Honestly, due dates seem to not affect some of my students. I need to cut it.

Otherwise,
nearly all of my school work finished yesterday, so I am happy not to bring home a stack of stuff. I have things to do though- Q1 reflection and getting the Costa Rica (2010) trip moving.

I've not been to the gym since I was sick. I need to get that back on track. Feeling a bit fat- and my mood is a bit wain.

And I have enough to do on my personal list- one replaces another- to keep me busy. None of which, of course, I feel like doing.

Lantern Festival (Freeport) later today. FLIC voted to go- but if the weather turns, I said "weather permitting," I will not want to go (but I will). FLIC also doing a bowling event (social and fundraiser) on the 22nd. We'll see how that goes.

Nothing much else.
Need to get moving.

Second Quarter

Well, the end of the first quarter did not turn out too bad- not great though. Of course, my 8th graders outpaced my HS class my nearly 30% (class average), but some of my HS students did show a bit of improvement and did raise his/her grade in the end (although, still failing).

Students who earned a C or better were allowed to select his/her seat for the quarter (first part at least). I have certificates for students who earned a B or higher- I will figure out some sort of actual reward. One JHS class with A average- supposed to be a movie, but new district rules state that it movies have to be pre-approved by committee. It is a lot of paperwork, so I will think of something else. Two with a B average- music fiesta. My HS class at a dismal F.

My meeting with HS administrators to discuss my HS class went as it went. Mainly a socio-political speech about offering opportunities to all students. They did not seem to care about current grades or the fact that a few students do absolutely nothing in class. But, I do have more authority now to send students out for non-compliance, insubordination, disrespect, etc. In my opinion, they want to take the data that belongs in academics and move it to the behavior column. In this way, the district can present to the community that this particular group did take Spanish. With the behavior, the African-American male student is so overly represented, so a handful more will not make such a difference (my students have a number of referrals and suspensions already, mine are not going to sway the numbers much).

I interviewed for the Assistant Drama coach position. I am not expecting to get it, I don't know if I want it- long hours, especially through the production season. I guess a few people interviewed. I think my interview outcome was mixed- I could not really read the director.

FLIC is going OK, although still a bit unorganized.
We are planning to go to the Lantern Festival (local thing) and organizing a bowling event.

Another weekend of grading. I need to figure out a better system. I do what I can at school- late days; 12 hour days- but it is not enough. All day yesterday, finishing after 15 hours. At least it is done.

Next week is a short one due to parent conferences. After the test results and the student reflections, I decided that I am going to do review ("recycle") lessons.

The week after that, Monday is our Dia de los muertos fiesta- why do I do fiestas? And then Tuesday off (Veterans Day), and a recycle test on Wednesday. I want to get back to the lesson by Thursday- probably have to start over and reteach (we only got to the vocabulary anyway).

I started to get a generic unit plan together- something I can follow each lesson. The textbook plans give 10 days per lesson, but I need more than that. I do not think I will get though two units (four lessons) by Winter Break, but maybe. I will have to push and push.

Now, I just have to tackle the rest of the things on my TTD list:
Work- plans, handouts, newsletter, my quarter reflection.
Inside- laundry, clean house, aquarium.
Outside- lawn, garden stuff, wood pile.
Other- schedule(s), calls.

It never ends.

End of First Quarter

Thank goodness for that!
Another up-and-down week: same students, same issues.
Kathy and the HS administration have not been very helpful. Kathy stated that it will look bad, as a non-tenure teacher, if so many HS students fail Spanish I (currently 11/24). The administration has taken the "equity" position- "all students should have access to foreign language." I agree, but it does not mean that the students are ready for it (academically, never mind the behavior). Finally, the HS counselor looked at the class roster and agreed that there is a problem. I am getting some support from a few JHS teachers (I spoke with FEA representative), who agree that select students should have never been placed in Spanish. Nick is somewhat supportive; Scott is more neutral (as he usually is).

Anyway, I thought the Spanish I exam was rather easy. I made it for the department, using the modified assessment book (reteach-assessment book). The majority of my students stated the same. I have not finished all of the grading, but so far things look good. Sadly, it is obvious who studied and who did not- always the same students.
A number of students aced the verbal. A lot of 35+/40 on the scantron portion. I just have the written to grade (email to pen pal) and the cultural portion (extra credit), and then count the bellwork (more extra credit).

First quarter reflections should be interesting.

We did not have enough students sign up for the trip to Chicago. Too bad, really. It could have been a nice trip. Maybe we will reschedule.
FLIC, in itself, is a mixed bag. The same students I had issue with last year with Spanish Club are creating havoc again.
I need to set meeting rules; the girls are SO disruptive.
We now have a t shirt idea, a fundraiser idea, and a couple of possible activities.
We shall see how this turns out.

My ear infection finally broke this week. Two weeks no gym; went this morning for 20 minute walk. I actually lost a bit of weight while I was sick.

Otherwise, another weekend with a long list of things to do. Thank goodness the weather is wet and cold or I would also have the yard to deal with.

El domingo

No gym today, but finished grading.
Quizzes not too bad, but not too good either.

I do not know what it is about the weekends- I just am not going to the gym. Too much to do; panic that I am not going to finish. Perhaps laziness.

Yesterday, I prepared for errands (but did not go), mowed the lawn, and then graded.
Today, I have errands to do, finish laundry, and clean up the house. If I have time, I will prep for the week (may have to do tomorrow after going to the dentist).

The next couple of weeks will not go as I anticipated; I need to review the quiz material, work on the 1.2 material, set time for exam review, and two days for the quarter exam.

Field trip on Friday the 24th, so the quiz will have to be Wednesday and Thursday. What am I going to do on Friday? Maybe project presentations.

Ears clogged due to infection. The cold started on Thursday and went into my ears Saturday. No, I have not gone to the doctor. Hopefully, it will clear up without having to pay for a visit and meds. Still, I am having issues already with hearing and the clog only adds to my concern. Maybe I will go Monday or Wednesday. It depends on how bad it gets and if I have time.

So, lots to do.
Better get moving!

Nice Weather

60s and 70s this week- Mother Nature hoping to sustain the end-of-summer weather for as long as possible.

The leaves are changing, although out the kitchen window there is not much color. My drive to work is beautiful, and will become more so as autumn moves on.

Garden is a still a mess- another thing to do on my Fall TTD list.

Lawn today, as rain possible tomorrow.

I'm beginning to think that my "listing" is more something obsessive, not necessarily something real. Still, I do get more done when I have a list- and then get angry at myself when there are things left to do.

This weekend, I have a lot to do (when do I not), with little done so far (Saturday at 1pm; up since 7:30).

This week, things overall better, although not completely. I would like to get through a week without feeling like I should have done something differently. Yes, reflection is a very important part of teaching, but it would be nice to have a series of "good" days.

A lot of schedule changes- field trips, picture retakes, meetings. I will have to scrap my plans for next week (finished), to spend a day catching everyone up to be on the same page.

Wednesday was a busy day for my students- a lot due. I finished nearly all the grading, with quizzes left. The original stacks were a bit drowning, but I scuttled through. These quizzes are going to take some time- so why am I wasting time?

FLIC trip approved to the Mexican Art Museum (Chicago) for October 25th. We will see how many sign up and turn in permission slips. We have to pay for the transportation (bus and driver), at nearly $600 for the day. If we have 30 students, the cost is not that bad ($21), but then there is the museum entrance and lunch. I need to call them to confirm date and cost.

Otherwise, OK, nothing much really.
Going to gym in AM, still not PM.
I have a bit of a cold; ears clogged. Hopefully it will clear over the weekend.
No school Monday- Columbus Day. Going to dentist and lunch with Mom.

Next week, a short week with the day-off and the Equity Conference on Friday (no students). After last year's bias, I hope this year's conference will offer something more well-rounded. Probably not.

October

I very much enjoy the move into autumn: the cooler days and nights; wearing sweaters, the smell of a fireplace. It is the "in between" of the year- something familiar and sullen.

This week at work full of ups and downs. Nothing major really, just a bit riding on the chaotic. I need to be more prepared, more focused, more in-tune with what I am supposed to be doing. I find myself going-through-the-motions, rather than really engaged. Boredom? No, I do not think so.
I find the text book somewhat unorganized. I believe it is important to teach usable material, but the text seems to skip some of the basics- such a verb conjugations- so that students are able to make statements. i.e. "Abren su libro," without discussing the verb and conjugations of abrir, nor a classroom vocabulary set. Perhaps I am a bit old school with my thematic plans and grouping, but I sense some confusion amongst the students.
Classroom performance definitiely dividing now: those that can and do v. those that are not doing much of anything. Sadly, my recommendations for dropss are starting to realize- how can I grade a student who has not done anything?
Two drops thus far: one was a dyslexic student, but I believe it was more due to fear of public speaking (previous discussion with parent); another being moved to AVID (student not working in my class anyway). I anticipate another next week, if not two. The quarter end will really determine who is putting in the effort and who is not.

FLIC going well. Planning trip to Chicago, now in process of getting administrative approval (HS).
Cheryl is getting on my nerves. We shall see.

FB study hall over soon- Thank God. Really wearing me out. I do not think I will do it again next year.

11 year anniversary this weekend.
David and I went to Garrett's last night: wine and brought dinner home.

Artscene weekend.
I am suppose to go around with Sara, but not really in the mood anymore.

Mom in Monroe.
I guess things are OK with grandma.

Otherwise, another busy weekend.
I need to get more done during the school day, athough I did get some work done.

Autumn Begins

Leaves starting to change with the cooler nights, although it is still pretty warm (80s) during the day. Next week should cool down.
I need to clean up the yard.

The first mid-quarter ending this past Tuesday. Some students did not do well. Sadly, it is not due to an inability or lack of demonstration of Spanish, rather it is due to missing assignments in the small pool thus far. It is really a reflection of organization and the ability to follow directions. Then again, there are a few students who really should not be in Spanish- they are just not ready or they have a full-plate already.
Overall, my 8th grade classes did well: averages per class are at least a B. My HS class, on the other hand, is not doing so well. Incentives do not seem to work in this class.

Bit of drama- One of my students from last year told me that one of the HS boys announced in another class that I hit on him. Of course, I went off. I told my assistant principal, and told him that I was going to give my "my personal business is not your business" speech. I did that one day, then followed with my "cry wolf" speech, stressing that if you have a concern about a teacher, you should speak with your parents, counselor, or principal- not gossip with your friends about it. We will see. Another former student came by afterward to offer condolences. Funny. The Chair told me to keep my door open at all times; not doing one-on-one help after school.

Institute Day, yesterday, at the department meeting, the topics of department congruency and professionalism were brought up. I believe the first was directed to me, with reference to giving the same assessments; whereas the later was in reference to the incident when another teacher told the class that I did not teach them verb conjugations correctly.
We discussed International Club, Spain, and the possibility of Costa Rica.
After, the Spanish teachers had a meeting about the quarter exam. None of us are where we should be (syllabus), but agreed on what material will be on the exam.

I am really not sure about next year. It is only the end of September and I am thinking about where to go next. I need to work on my portfolio.

I like the job, but I do not like the politics.

Otherwise, another busy weekend. I did not want my weekends full of work, but this is the second one in a row. I need to get more work done at school. At least I giving a bit more effort this weekend- yesterday, I mowed the lawn after school and threw in a load of laundry.
I did do some work during the week. My lesson plans are done (have presentation to get together), bellwork printed out, and newsletters finished. Still, I have tons to grade and other things to prepare.

And my paycheck has been wrong. It seemed a bit high, so I called. They had been paying me $300 too much per check. So now, there will be a deduction. And my current check is not even correct. I will have to deal with on Monday. It was nice, at least for a while, to not be so concerned about money. Now I know that I need at least $1,000 per check to feel more secure.

Eva had surgery to remove all of her warts. The one on her leg was of concern, but all of them were taken off. We are still waiting for the lab results on that. He blood work came back with a concern for calcium levels. It could be a sign of a pituitary tumor. We shall see.

Otherwise, busy-busy.
I have so much to do.

September Rain

Lots and lots of it.
Rain began Thursday night- still going. Sometimes light and misty, other times a bit strong. Continues through Monday with a flash flood warning. Humidity at 90% and uncomfortable. Windows are fogged over.
Chicago and 'burbs seem to be getting the worst of it. Highways closed due to flooding.

This weekend is supposed to be the art fairs, but looks like it is not going to happen. Tomorrow is supposed to be lighter rain. Perhaps I will swing by then.

But it could be worse, I guess.
Hurricane Ike hitting Texas and Louisiana today. Only a category 1, but it's a big one. We will get the remnants maybe on Monday.
Last week Gustav hit New Orleans. Much more organized this year, after last year's fiasco. Still, the mayor of NO was arrogant and pointed fingers.

School this week pretty much OK.
The Spanish books from DonorsChoose.org should be arriving soon. I received notice that the books have been purchased. How much to I donate? How much to I keep? I think I will keep the cultural books and The Giving Tree. The others, hopefully, will become part of the AR series.

I thought parent night (Thursday) was pretty successful. I met a lot of parents and the majority of students did the introduction- some good/ others not. I have more of a sense of the parents that pressure and those that do not. In addition, I've found out that I have many students with Spanish-language heritage.

And then there was Jill's father (from last year). I guess there was a review quiz on verb conjugations in Wachlin's class and all of the students did poorly. When I saw Jill's father, he was very short with me, stating that Jill said Wachlin said that I taught verb conjugations wrong. Of course, I said something to Mikkelsen.

I am still teaching without the text. It has been a bit difficult, but, for the most part, it is working. I do not believe my students realize how different it will be when the needed textbooks and workbooks arrive. The pace will be quicker and much more homework.

I am supposed to have my observation next week. I sent Nick my schedule for next week. I am not sure when he will come. Hopefully, it will be Monday- my presentation on El Grito- and an easy day. Otherwise, Tuesday and Wednesday will be classroom vocabulary and phrases, Thursday we will have review and project day (chips and salsa), and Friday is the first test.

Friday is also my scheduled treat day. My team is not very good, but workable. I think I will make a lasagna (goat cheese), bread, a salad, and chocolate chip cookies (Vosges- chickory, bacon, and olive).

No FLIC this week, and probably not next due to Homecomming. I wanted to meet next week, but Cheryl said it will be a very busy weekend. I have an agenda planned for our next meeting. I've asked Cheryl to work on the Mexican Museum trip. We'll see if she will do it.

None of my Viajero students came to see me last week, as requested. I am thinking that the bulb fundraiser is a bust. I will not plan another- the students can raise money on their own. Out next meeting will be on the 30th.
Still unsure about organizing another one.

Money stress not so bad. The small increase for second-year seems to help. I do not know if FB study hall is included, or even if I am being paid for it.

Otherwise....
Going to gym every AM. Still no PM.
Weight still hovering around 200. I know I need the latter to bring this down. I would like to drop 20-25. Maybe next week. I am just so tired.

I find myself returning to not doing much when I get home; sofa time. This needs to stop.

Busy weekend. Another long TTD list.

Election year in full-swing. Now that McCain has chosen Palin for his VP, things are much more interesting.
With Palin, McCain has gained a lot of attention and percentage points. Perhaps it is the "women" vote, or perhaps it is, with Palin, a demonstration that he is willing to change politics as-usual. Who knows.
Palin, not without baggage, is getting the brunt of a lot of bad press. Still, she seems to hold her own. We shall see.
Obama seems to have faltered a bit. Maybe he will change his VP choice (Biden).
I think the election will become less Obama v. McCain, and more Obama v. Palin.
As an "undecided voter," I am looking forward to the debates.

Schedules Developing

Really, things are OK.

Lesson plans not going as planed. I guess it should be expected, especially at the beginning of the year. I want to push harder, but afraid that the border-line students will drop. Still, I have to pick up the pace next week. I posted a tentative schedule, with the lesson exam on the 19th. Even though it is two weeks behind schedule, I think it is OK, as I still do not have enough books and workbooks for everyone. Also, the 1st mid-quarter ends on the 22nd.
One drop, and in my opinion, it was due to laziness, or fear of too much work. I have another who is really on the border (parent meeting next week). I also have a couple of students with real medical issues. I am not sure if these students will be able to keep up (another meeting).
I am recognizing those students who are super competitive and those who are rather lax. In addition, a couple of behavioral issues- but not too bad. Still, they surround the same students.

I posted a couple of proposals on DonorsChoose.org a few months ago. I received notice that my proposal for Spanish books for the library is going to be funded. Very exciting.

FB study hall going OK. Still issues, but I'm beginning to gain more of a grasp on particular students. I have a couple of the 8th grade players help me with attendance so I can go around and make sure that everyone has work to do.
I stayed for the game on Wednesday, mainly working security.

There was an increase in my paycheck, but I am not sure if it was only the second-year salary or if it included the FB study hall pay.

I met six parents at the HS Open House on Thursday. I expected as much. I'm sure the JHS Open House will be more successful. I stayed for a bit afterwards, seeing a few past students and parents.

We held the first F.L.I.C. meeting on Friday. Mostly Spanish students, with a few French, and a couple of German. We'll see. I am running it with Hartford and we'll just have to see how it goes.

Otherwise....
Morning gym schedule working, whereas afternoon is not. Perhaps I am just too busy, not to mention tired. If I am going to drop this weight, I need to begin weight-training workouts.

Fell asleep on the sofa last night.
Another weekend with a long list of TTDs.

Last weekend, David and I played a bit- over a year. Interesting.

First Week

First week finished.
It was not as bad as I had anticipated, as I had heard so much about this group of students. Still, it is somewhat "one step forward, two steps back."

The week overall went pretty good. The weather (heat and humidity) on the other hand has been troublesome. Things are falling off the walls. I am uncomfortable in a tie after lunch, and it is obvious that the students are as well. I may wear shorts next week if the weather continues.

Schedule went as planned.
Next week, we are to start the material.... but I ran out of books and workbooks. So I will teach without text. It is easy stuff anyway. Sadly, I already planned the week and copied all the handouts- what a waste of paper. I'm trying to do as much work at school, so my home time is mine. It makes for later days, but I like not having to bring everything home. Next week, I'll be teaching off the hip.

I know that I should have done a book count on Monday, but I just got so busy doing other things and it slipped my mind.
When will the books come? Who knows.

My HS class is something to be desired. Already, I've called three parents about behavior issues. And I received notice that two students are suspended.

My other classes are fine. I received notice that one student wanted to drop. I asked him to give me four weeks.

Homeroom is OK, but I have concern with a handful of students- one received lunch-detentions on the first full day and then APAD. Another will be serving one next week. I guess I will not be having a pizza party for them.

I've been running the after school JHS football study hall.
I spoke with the athletic director about becoming more involved with the school's athletic program. She offered me this. It is a bit trying- only 30 minutes, but it takes me that long to get the attendance done because the players will not shut up. Of course, I will fix this problem.

I went to the JHS game on Wed, staying until half-time of the 8th grade game. Friday, I stayed for part of the HS JV game (student in my 2nd hour).
I plan to attend more of my students activities, even if it is just for a bit.

I've seen some of last year's students.... of course I've asked about the phone call. No one seems to know, although I noticed some hesitation.

The head coach told me Friday that I will be one of the assistant coaches.... Really? Interesting, as I know little about the game. I'll just do what I feel comfortable doing and learn.

Probably a Spanish Club reunion next week. I do not know if I will do another one for the JH or just tie it in with the HS Foreign Language/ International Club.
I also have to schedule a Viajero meeting.

Went to the gym every morning last week- 20 minutes elliptical machine.

I would like to start weights in the PM. I plan to next week. (Where am I going to fit it in?).

Weight is hovering around 200. Not good, not bad.

Otherwise:
A bit lazy today. Up for three hours and nothing much accomplished. Yes, I have a big TTD list for the weekend: house, yard, errands, laundry, schedules, and some prep for next week.
Tomorrow, I am going to Freeport to the art fair at Krape.
Monday, Labor Day, will probably be a ketch up day.

Wasted Day

Yesterday was a waste: lazy, perhaps a bit of mental illness, Sara stopped by, long nap. The end result was nothing done until late-night, and that was from a mini-panic attack.

Dream last night woke me up. Griffon, night, attack, chase, house, door, dark, shadow, hide:
To see a griffon in your dream, symbolizes the positive aspects of change. You possess the physical power and stability of the lion and the vision, spirit and alertness of the eagle. It also represents intellect, physical strength, and the sun.
To have a dream that takes place at night, represents some major setbacks and obstacles in achieving your goals. There are some issues in your life that you are facing that are not too clear. You should put the issues aside so you can clear your head before coming back to it. Alternatively, night may be synonymous with death, rebirth and new beginnings.
To dream that you are being attacked by an animal, is a warning to be careful with those around you. Take notice on who you know in your waking like that shares and exhibits the same qualities of the animal that attacked you in your dream- To dream that you are being attacked by someone, signifies questions on your character and the need for you to defend yourself. You are feeling stressed, vulnerable and helpless. You may also be faced with difficult changed in your waking life.
Chase dreams often stem from feelings of anxiety in your walking life. The way we respond to anxiety and pressure in real life is typically manifested as a chase dream. Running is an instinctive response to physical threats in our environment. Often in these dream scenarios, you are being pursued by some attacker, who wants to hurt or possibly kill you. You are running away, hiding, or trying to outwit your pursuer. Chase dreams may represent your way of coping with fears, stress or various situations in your waking life. Instead of confronting the situation, you are running away and avoiding it. To see your home in your dream, signifies security, basic needs, and values. You may feel at home at your new job or you finally feel settled and comfortable in a new environment.
To dream that the doors are locked, signifies opportunities that are denied and not available to you or that you have missed out on. In particular, if you are outside the locked door, then it suggests that you are having some anti-social tendencies.
Darkness is synonymous with ignorance, the unconscious, evil, death, and fear of the unknown.
To see a shadowy figure in your dream, represents aspects of this figure which you have not acknowledged or incorporated into your own personality. Alternatively, it symbolizes the young, the helpless or the under-developed.
To dream that you are hiding, suggests that you are keeping some secret or withholding some information. You may not be facing up to a situation or not want to deal with an issue. However, you may be getting ready to reveal and confess before somebody finds out.

Oh my.
So what is my interpretation?
Change of schedule with school beginning.
A number of conflicts/issues/ unsettled feelings with the job, some being people.
Missed opportunities and self-denied opportunities in life.
Anti-social behaviors (avoidant).
I have an inner darkness, various facades, and secrets abound.

Today, laziness continues.
Finished some work, but I still have such a list of things to do.

First Day

Friday was the first day of class for students. Only a three-hour day, I think it went well although it was ungodly uncomfortable with the humidity. I do have a couple of concerns, but I will wait and see how things work out next week before I state any issue.

Honestly, I think I've already stated plenty already: white board, phone message, open hours, etc.

I do have an unsettled feeling. I need to clear this out.

Next week, the first full week, will focus on classroom procedures, rules, and expectations M-W, then the history of the Spanish language on Th. I will pass out textbooks on Friday. Workbooks probably the week after.

No word yet about athletics. I will just wait and see.
FL/IC (Foreign Language/ International Club) meeting probably the second week of September. Viajero as well.

I am going to try to do as much work at school this year. Friday, I was at school until almost 5pm getting the vast majority finished. I hope to alleviate the need to bring it all home and using personal resources (paper, ink, etc.). Still, I know I will have to so some work at home.

I need to get organized and prepared for official lessons. I have only really glanced at the materials. There is just so much. Next weekend, Labor Day holiday, I plan to spend the time organizing the first unit lessons. It is an introductory unit with lots of basics.

Next weekend is the 150th anniversary of the Lincoln-Douglas Debates with a huge celebration in Freeport. There is an art fair on Sunday at Krape Park and Nancy (Groth) asked me if I could help Bob out on the day. I will probably do it. There is also a big street festival on the 1st. I think this is an opportunity to show community involvement.

I guess I could have brought stuff home this weekend to start the textbook plans, but I have enough to do already. I think the humid weather is going to curb any outside activities (lucky me). Hopefully we will get a good heavy rain. I have some prep to do for next week, clean the house, schedules, etc.

Well, I guess I should get started.

Today

Hopefully, today will be a better day.

Again

Inner-conflicts today. Just can not get things done.
Typical.

I just do not understand myself sometimes.
Conflict- conflict- conflict.

Ignorance; defiance, perhaps.
Anger- quite a bit of that.

What is important v. what is not.
How to decide?
How to fight the procrastination and last-minute response (in panic)?

I am 37 years old now,
and life, well, it is life.
It is suffering? Or sustaining the status quo?
Too afraid to make a determined change.

Not quite sure of direction,
promotes hesitation and lazy days.

Tired. Very tired.

End of Summer and Other Stories

Well, this weekend is it.
No big plans.

Work in the yard today.
Mow and clean the house tomorrow.

A rather uneventful summer.

Mom is coming up and we are going to finish my classroom on Monday.
Tuesday, ironing and other preparations.
Wednesday and Thursday are institute.
Friday, first day for students (1/2 day).

It will be nice to return to some sort of schedule.
How tight am I going make it? I do not know.
Things I need to do; Things I want to do.

Ending the summer with so many unfinished projects, I do not want to set myself up for continued failure. Still, I have to get things together.

As for the school year, I am a bit excited, but also nervous. Maybe more so the later.
This year I am planning to run a 'tighter ship' and I am not quite sure how to do it without being somewhat of a jerk.

Other things.....

I've been watching the summer Olympics. This year, Beijing has put on quite a show. They spent somewhere between 45-80 billion. As anticipated, there have been issues:

1. Parts of the opening ceremony were digitally enhanced. Some stations stated this during the ceremony, while others did not. Not much of a big deal. In this 'techno-age,' why not.
   
2. A child soloist (singer) during the ceremony was not the child who actually sang the song. The actual child was deemed "unattractive."
3. Various judging issues, with some saying there is a bias against the U.S. The same performance by two different athletes seems to result in the U.S. receiving a lower score.
4. Judging complaints from other countries as well, with one athlete tossing his bronze medal on the floor- a Swedish wrestler; he was stripped of the medal afterwards for poor sportsmanship.
5. Age of the female gymnasts. The rule is 16 to compete, but there are conflicting reports of the ages of the girls on the Chinese team.

Medals so far:
The U.S. has won the most thus far, 54, but China leads with gold medals, 27.

I think the medals are unique and really beautiful. I like how they incorporated the circle of jade into the medal.

And then, of course, there is "Phelps Phever."
Michael Phelps has won seven gold medals for swimming, equaling the number won by Spitz in '72. He has one more race to go, and will probably make eight- the most won by an athlete in an Olympic season. Already, he has won the most medals for any athlete (swam in previous Olympics). I did not watch the Athens 2004 games. There is so much media coverage on him, that I almost feel compelled to watch.

He is breaking record after record. Yesterday, he won the 100m butterfly by 1/100th of a second.

During interviews, he seems rather nice, down-to-earth. Still, he is somewhat odd, at least the media is playing him to be this way.

Previous report of his diagnosis of ADD as a child. His mother directed his energies into sports. He found his knack in swimming.

Also as a child, he was picked on by other children. He does have protruding ears and a strange under-bite/ jaw alignment. Also, he is somewhat 'gangly' (tall and thin). Along with behaviors associated with ADD, I'm sure he was a target.

These two things define him as an 'underdog,' which people love to hear and associate with.

In addition, the media have scrutinized his body:

• His legs relate to someone who is 6', whereas his torso relates to someone who is 6'8". He is 6'4" (I think), with an arm span of 6'7." Somewhat dismorphic, but has the advantage of strong legs and a long stretch.
  
• He is double-jointed in his knees and elbows, giving him more flexibility.
• Some say his ankles and wrists are the same. His hands and feet are somewhat over-sized.

It will be interesting to see what happens after the games.
I guess he made 25 million from endorsements after Athens. How much more can he make?

Back to my life....

Money worries already. I am estimating my gas expenditures based on $4/gallon, so around $65/week ($130 a pay cycle). I was paid yesterday. After paying Citibank loan, Rockford college loan, and Toyota loan, I ran my bi-weekly trip to Target and Woodmans. I narrowed the lists while I was shopping. I have $140 left. I will be out of cigarettes today and I wanted to get my car washed. We shall see.

I applied for after-school positions, and spoke with the athletic director. She asked me about doing the sports tutoring after school and being a timer/score-keeper. It does not pay much, but it is something.

I will try to squeeze in Spanish tutoring as well.

Still, I am still somewhat hesitant and disturbed from the phone call. Seeing a few students this week, it has been interesting to hear what they are saying- what students have said about me over the summer. This, among other things, just adds to my unsettled feeling.

I need to make a plan.
So I returning, once again, to my goal-planning cycle.
I've been here time and time again; It is tiresome.

Where do I want to be in five years, and how am I going to get there?
Lots to think about.

Al verano, ¡Adiós!

Summer is pretty much over, at least my mind-set says it is.
This is the last full-week of summer (today is Tuesday); next week we begin institute days on Wednesday.

I went in yesterday to work on my room. Jill came in to help out and for a little Spanish conversation practice. I will go in again tomorrow and, probably, Friday.

I ditched the feng shui thing. I did apply a few things, but, as a whole, it really was not going to work. I am doing a star theme this year.... las estrellas.

No word from Ms. Roach about tutoring. It has been a few weeks. She was all gung-ho for it when I spoke with her, but perhaps Mike is just not for it.

Discussed the phone message with Kathy. I felt she was playing it down and making it a non-issue. Of course, I went off a bit.

New textbooks in. Hopefully, they were delivered to my room today. No workbooks yet. As I've said before, there are SO MANY options with this text series that I am not sure where to begin.

The first day, only 15-minute classes, I think I am going to do introductions using Me llamo.... and ¿Cómo te llamas? The next week, a full week, I am going to concentrate on classroom information (rules, procedures, class information), passing out the student materials on Friday (with a short assignment). Not quite sure yet.

Otherwise, went to gym this AM and mowed the lawn. David is at the doctor this afternoon, so I plan to clean the house.

Near the Turn

After a bit of time stewing, slowly things are turning around.

Still some procrastination, and still some inner-struggles, but the turn is near. I can feel it.

After a late start, I focused energy yesterday to get my classroom bulletin boards together- a little more than half finished. And then came home and mowed the yard (it was dark when I finished).

Today, I began with a good stride (working on bulletin board stuff), even though I woke up late, but now it has wained some. Hitting the procrastination threshold.

I have four things on my TTD list this weekend:

1. Clean the house
2. Mow the lawn- DONE
   
3. Work in the gardens
1. Finish west.
2. Begin east.
   
4. School preparations
1. Displays
2. First day/ week
3. First unit lessons

So how much will get done? Who knows.

All I know is that I am feeling close to PANIC mode. Perhaps this is what moves me.

If I focus on what I have accomplished, and not on what I am lacking..... well, it is difficult. I see what I have not accomplished everyday (house, garden, body, etc.).

I find it very difficult to make the decision on what to do/ set the priority. It is all important.

Today, since the weather is a bit wet (rain this morning and called for this afternoon), I will concentrate on indoor projects. I have the house to clean and I still have not tackled the guest room (my dressing room).

Afterwards, I will work on school preparations or my schedules for fall.