Another day off....

Freeport ended the school day at 1:35 yesterday in light of the pending weather change. It was a bit windy and icy.
Received call this morning. Wind chill was at -25.
It is mainly the cold. Right now (9am), it is 0 with a -21 wind chill.

Interesting article (aol, USA today, Sharon Jayson):

Middle age makes you miserable, so don't blame your job, your kids, your spouse, your income or lack of it, suggests an international study of 2 million people from 80 nations released today.

Researchers from Great Britain and the USA analyzed data spanning more than 35 years on measures such as depression, anxiety, mental well-being, happiness and life satisfaction.

They found that men and women in their 40s were more likely to be depressed and weren't as happy as other ages. Middle age is such a low point for well-being that it's at the bottom of a U-shaped curve that indicates greater happiness among the young and old.

"It's midlife per se," says co-author Andrew Oswald, an economist at the University of Warwick in Coventry, England. "It's something deep beyond all the controls in our equation. It's a developing midlife low. It doesn't just happen one year and go away another."

For both sexes, the probability of depression peaks around age 44.

Oswald doesn't have any concrete answers on why such a slump occurs.

"My best conjecture is that people eventually learn to quell their infeasible aspirations," he says. "They manage to get their expectations into line with what they can actually achieve." .......

Interesting.
And what about those who have this realization earlier in life?
If the peak is 44, when does it start and when does it end?

Brief discussion with Norman and Flynn. Perhaps not as bad as I thought, although I do not think things are perfect. At the end of February, new teachers are notified about their contracts. I have yet to get the results from my last observation.

If I am asked to stay- do I?
Currently, there are jobs listed, but nothing closer and nothing that really catches me. Still, I should probably go through the motions.

I am thinking about going to Sevilla for a vacation after school is out. I brought it up to David a while ago- it has been five years. We shall see.... I am setting up my bulletin board akin to my time abroad.

Completely smoke-free for two days now. It took about four weeks on the meds for the urge to wain to the point that I could make the decision not to buy more.

Still, the urge is still there.
Self-control kicks in, but it is turbulent.

The other meds, a.k.a. "happy pill," seems to take a bit of the edge off.

Not so bad

Week ended, with whatever week it was, OK. Only two days. Friday was a bit of a headache (student behavior), particularly in homeroom.

Trying to get things into perspective; a focus of what is important and what I want to do in my life. It is still a bit of a blur at the moment, but change is coming.
Smoking is pretty much finished- one a day.
Gym today; back to heavy weight again (210).
A number of things to do- began an "active" list (notebook) of things to do. Coming along slowly, but at least I am able to cross things off in a timely manner.

Otherwise, OK. Not great, but OK.

And again....

This time not for snow; rather the freeze. Currently, at 8:30am, the temperature in Freeport is -12 with a wind chill of -23. Rockford is only slightly warmer (and they have school today). With so many students who walk to school in Freeport, closing school was probably a smart idea. Perhaps they have learned that parents will not sent their students in weather like this.

So this is the fourth day of school closing?
I hope this does not add too many days to the end of the school year.

I have enough to do to keep myself occupied.

Yesterday was fine- more or less.
Goldstein refilled the Clonazepam. I felt a bit different- more relaxed.

No cigarettes yesterday until late- and it was a Mood.

Treat day tomorrow- chocolate chip cookies using Vosgues (red fire, black pearl, and naga), black Russian cake, and a goat cheese, herb, and roasted red pepper lasagna.
I need to finish the last batch of cookies and bake the lasagna.

I need to catch up on grades and documentation.

Calls and appointments arranged.

I do have a couple of errands, but it is just too cold.
And TBG tonight.

Another snow day

Heavy snow last night.
It snowed yesterday for most of the day, but I really did not think it was much of anything- at least nothing that the plows could not handle. Since it was MLK day (schools closed), perhaps IDOT workers were off as well or not available.
Looks like Rockford received nearly 9 inches; Freeport, just under 8.
Wiley called around 5:15.

Working on my list of things to do:
Made phone calls.
Wrote a couple of letters.
I have errands to run, but I need to shovel first (and it is bitter cold).
I have to bake as well (treat day on Friday).

I was so busy yesterday with lesson plans (three-weeks for both classes), I forgot to shower. Well, at least they are done (tests and everything).

Two cigarettes today- could be the last ones.

Met with Susi on Saturday at Starbucks. She brought brought back a couple packs of cigars (Moods), Agua de Sevilla perfume for Mom, and a postcard of La Colosal from Bellas Artes for me. Cost me $65. She is teaching at Rockford College this semester.

It is what it is....

Really, there is only so much I can do (or not do).
I have realized that I will not make everyone happy- nor is it my job to.

Eventually, something is going to give.
And it could be me.

Funny, because I am not unhappy, nor in some-sort of state.

Perhaps this is understanding or acceptance, or perhaps I just don't care all that much.

-
I believe the district has accepted my resignation; no name listed, but a teacher's resignation was accepted at the last board meeting.
I need to get a copy of my file. Then, I will speak with Wiley, who I need to see about my last observation anyway. Perhaps I will also request a meeting with Flynn.

Nothing much listed on the ISBE, but it is still early.
I believe that I need to show that I am looking- NOW, even if I am not seriously looking right now. In any event, I do need to start the ball rolling.

Otherwise,
nothing much else.
Extremely cold this weekend- three day weekend; busy, as usual.
Second semester OK thus far with no real issues.
Goals are slowly progressing: opened savings account.

End of 1st Semester

If anything, I can say that half the year is over.

Not that it did not end without a hitch: Andrew received a zero for talking during the exam- and had to deal with his mother. Nice a pie when she wants something, a bitch otherwise. Foul language; Evan nearly received one- called mother; Shane dropped class, but not before being caught with someone else doing his study guide (zero for that); Abby dropped class. I asked Breana what the real reason was, as they would not let her drop if it was just behavior. She told me that her Dad did not want Abby to be taught by a "putito" (little fag)....
How big of a deal am I going to make it? I do not know.

Going to start off the 2nd semester with a review of rules and procedures, then jump into the material.

Went to gym this AM (aerobics), but slow otherwise. I have a lot to do.

Week 01

Not a very productive week, but there is change in the air.

Mental: Still stressing.

Physical: Gym schedule starts tomorrow- just aerobics.; Dinner schedule difficult to do when ease of preparation is key; back on chantix.

Family: No movement here.

Social: No movement here.

Spiritual: I have this "quiet" time to blog, but that is really it.

Career: Turned in resignation, along with a bit of drama. I rescinded on Friday. Still, with the end of the semester coming up, I expect issues.

Financial: I have money earmarked for savings account.

Otherwise,
Once again, left work on Friday feeling a bit daunted. Not horrible, but not so good.

In the beginning......

Barolome Murillo, Inmaculada Concepcion (La Colosal), 1650

First day of the new year.
I could make up a list of resolutions and desires, but I've been there before and only leads to disappointment. I do not think I could face something like that now.

Still, I know I need some-sort of plan to move in the right direction.

Mental: Stop stressing so much; stop thinking worst-case scenarios; stop self-hating/defeating thinking patterns; call Dudgeon.
Physical: Establish healthier eating habits and regular exercise plan.
Family: Talk to David about relationship to define what it is and what it will be.
Social: Establish some sort of social life.
Spiritual: Establish "quiet time" to reflect and relax in a positive way.
Career: Finish/Terminate contract (and temporary position/job as needed); update portfolio and credentials to prepare for employment search for next year; look into MA programs.
Financial: Establish savings account to build into a retirement account.

Very similar to previous lists. Some things just never change.

What is going to be different this time?
Who knows.
All I know is that I have to break this cycle and mood.

Perhaps a bit of a shock to the system will make something click.