First Week

First week finished.
It was not as bad as I had anticipated, as I had heard so much about this group of students. Still, it is somewhat "one step forward, two steps back."

The week overall went pretty good. The weather (heat and humidity) on the other hand has been troublesome. Things are falling off the walls. I am uncomfortable in a tie after lunch, and it is obvious that the students are as well. I may wear shorts next week if the weather continues.

Schedule went as planned.
Next week, we are to start the material.... but I ran out of books and workbooks. So I will teach without text. It is easy stuff anyway. Sadly, I already planned the week and copied all the handouts- what a waste of paper. I'm trying to do as much work at school, so my home time is mine. It makes for later days, but I like not having to bring everything home. Next week, I'll be teaching off the hip.

I know that I should have done a book count on Monday, but I just got so busy doing other things and it slipped my mind.
When will the books come? Who knows.

My HS class is something to be desired. Already, I've called three parents about behavior issues. And I received notice that two students are suspended.

My other classes are fine. I received notice that one student wanted to drop. I asked him to give me four weeks.

Homeroom is OK, but I have concern with a handful of students- one received lunch-detentions on the first full day and then APAD. Another will be serving one next week. I guess I will not be having a pizza party for them.

I've been running the after school JHS football study hall.
I spoke with the athletic director about becoming more involved with the school's athletic program. She offered me this. It is a bit trying- only 30 minutes, but it takes me that long to get the attendance done because the players will not shut up. Of course, I will fix this problem.

I went to the JHS game on Wed, staying until half-time of the 8th grade game. Friday, I stayed for part of the HS JV game (student in my 2nd hour).
I plan to attend more of my students activities, even if it is just for a bit.

I've seen some of last year's students.... of course I've asked about the phone call. No one seems to know, although I noticed some hesitation.

The head coach told me Friday that I will be one of the assistant coaches.... Really? Interesting, as I know little about the game. I'll just do what I feel comfortable doing and learn.

Probably a Spanish Club reunion next week. I do not know if I will do another one for the JH or just tie it in with the HS Foreign Language/ International Club.
I also have to schedule a Viajero meeting.

Went to the gym every morning last week- 20 minutes elliptical machine.

I would like to start weights in the PM. I plan to next week. (Where am I going to fit it in?).

Weight is hovering around 200. Not good, not bad.

Otherwise:
A bit lazy today. Up for three hours and nothing much accomplished. Yes, I have a big TTD list for the weekend: house, yard, errands, laundry, schedules, and some prep for next week.
Tomorrow, I am going to Freeport to the art fair at Krape.
Monday, Labor Day, will probably be a ketch up day.

Wasted Day

Yesterday was a waste: lazy, perhaps a bit of mental illness, Sara stopped by, long nap. The end result was nothing done until late-night, and that was from a mini-panic attack.

Dream last night woke me up. Griffon, night, attack, chase, house, door, dark, shadow, hide:
To see a griffon in your dream, symbolizes the positive aspects of change. You possess the physical power and stability of the lion and the vision, spirit and alertness of the eagle. It also represents intellect, physical strength, and the sun.
To have a dream that takes place at night, represents some major setbacks and obstacles in achieving your goals. There are some issues in your life that you are facing that are not too clear. You should put the issues aside so you can clear your head before coming back to it. Alternatively, night may be synonymous with death, rebirth and new beginnings.
To dream that you are being attacked by an animal, is a warning to be careful with those around you. Take notice on who you know in your waking like that shares and exhibits the same qualities of the animal that attacked you in your dream- To dream that you are being attacked by someone, signifies questions on your character and the need for you to defend yourself. You are feeling stressed, vulnerable and helpless. You may also be faced with difficult changed in your waking life.
Chase dreams often stem from feelings of anxiety in your walking life. The way we respond to anxiety and pressure in real life is typically manifested as a chase dream. Running is an instinctive response to physical threats in our environment. Often in these dream scenarios, you are being pursued by some attacker, who wants to hurt or possibly kill you. You are running away, hiding, or trying to outwit your pursuer. Chase dreams may represent your way of coping with fears, stress or various situations in your waking life. Instead of confronting the situation, you are running away and avoiding it. To see your home in your dream, signifies security, basic needs, and values. You may feel at home at your new job or you finally feel settled and comfortable in a new environment.
To dream that the doors are locked, signifies opportunities that are denied and not available to you or that you have missed out on. In particular, if you are outside the locked door, then it suggests that you are having some anti-social tendencies.
Darkness is synonymous with ignorance, the unconscious, evil, death, and fear of the unknown.
To see a shadowy figure in your dream, represents aspects of this figure which you have not acknowledged or incorporated into your own personality. Alternatively, it symbolizes the young, the helpless or the under-developed.
To dream that you are hiding, suggests that you are keeping some secret or withholding some information. You may not be facing up to a situation or not want to deal with an issue. However, you may be getting ready to reveal and confess before somebody finds out.

Oh my.
So what is my interpretation?
Change of schedule with school beginning.
A number of conflicts/issues/ unsettled feelings with the job, some being people.
Missed opportunities and self-denied opportunities in life.
Anti-social behaviors (avoidant).
I have an inner darkness, various facades, and secrets abound.

Today, laziness continues.
Finished some work, but I still have such a list of things to do.

First Day

Friday was the first day of class for students. Only a three-hour day, I think it went well although it was ungodly uncomfortable with the humidity. I do have a couple of concerns, but I will wait and see how things work out next week before I state any issue.

Honestly, I think I've already stated plenty already: white board, phone message, open hours, etc.

I do have an unsettled feeling. I need to clear this out.

Next week, the first full week, will focus on classroom procedures, rules, and expectations M-W, then the history of the Spanish language on Th. I will pass out textbooks on Friday. Workbooks probably the week after.

No word yet about athletics. I will just wait and see.
FL/IC (Foreign Language/ International Club) meeting probably the second week of September. Viajero as well.

I am going to try to do as much work at school this year. Friday, I was at school until almost 5pm getting the vast majority finished. I hope to alleviate the need to bring it all home and using personal resources (paper, ink, etc.). Still, I know I will have to so some work at home.

I need to get organized and prepared for official lessons. I have only really glanced at the materials. There is just so much. Next weekend, Labor Day holiday, I plan to spend the time organizing the first unit lessons. It is an introductory unit with lots of basics.

Next weekend is the 150th anniversary of the Lincoln-Douglas Debates with a huge celebration in Freeport. There is an art fair on Sunday at Krape Park and Nancy (Groth) asked me if I could help Bob out on the day. I will probably do it. There is also a big street festival on the 1st. I think this is an opportunity to show community involvement.

I guess I could have brought stuff home this weekend to start the textbook plans, but I have enough to do already. I think the humid weather is going to curb any outside activities (lucky me). Hopefully we will get a good heavy rain. I have some prep to do for next week, clean the house, schedules, etc.

Well, I guess I should get started.

Today

Hopefully, today will be a better day.

Again

Inner-conflicts today. Just can not get things done.
Typical.

I just do not understand myself sometimes.
Conflict- conflict- conflict.

Ignorance; defiance, perhaps.
Anger- quite a bit of that.

What is important v. what is not.
How to decide?
How to fight the procrastination and last-minute response (in panic)?

I am 37 years old now,
and life, well, it is life.
It is suffering? Or sustaining the status quo?
Too afraid to make a determined change.

Not quite sure of direction,
promotes hesitation and lazy days.

Tired. Very tired.

End of Summer and Other Stories

Well, this weekend is it.
No big plans.

Work in the yard today.
Mow and clean the house tomorrow.

A rather uneventful summer.

Mom is coming up and we are going to finish my classroom on Monday.
Tuesday, ironing and other preparations.
Wednesday and Thursday are institute.
Friday, first day for students (1/2 day).

It will be nice to return to some sort of schedule.
How tight am I going make it? I do not know.
Things I need to do; Things I want to do.

Ending the summer with so many unfinished projects, I do not want to set myself up for continued failure. Still, I have to get things together.

As for the school year, I am a bit excited, but also nervous. Maybe more so the later.
This year I am planning to run a 'tighter ship' and I am not quite sure how to do it without being somewhat of a jerk.

Other things.....

I've been watching the summer Olympics. This year, Beijing has put on quite a show. They spent somewhere between 45-80 billion. As anticipated, there have been issues:

1. Parts of the opening ceremony were digitally enhanced. Some stations stated this during the ceremony, while others did not. Not much of a big deal. In this 'techno-age,' why not.
   
2. A child soloist (singer) during the ceremony was not the child who actually sang the song. The actual child was deemed "unattractive."
3. Various judging issues, with some saying there is a bias against the U.S. The same performance by two different athletes seems to result in the U.S. receiving a lower score.
4. Judging complaints from other countries as well, with one athlete tossing his bronze medal on the floor- a Swedish wrestler; he was stripped of the medal afterwards for poor sportsmanship.
5. Age of the female gymnasts. The rule is 16 to compete, but there are conflicting reports of the ages of the girls on the Chinese team.

Medals so far:
The U.S. has won the most thus far, 54, but China leads with gold medals, 27.

I think the medals are unique and really beautiful. I like how they incorporated the circle of jade into the medal.

And then, of course, there is "Phelps Phever."
Michael Phelps has won seven gold medals for swimming, equaling the number won by Spitz in '72. He has one more race to go, and will probably make eight- the most won by an athlete in an Olympic season. Already, he has won the most medals for any athlete (swam in previous Olympics). I did not watch the Athens 2004 games. There is so much media coverage on him, that I almost feel compelled to watch.

He is breaking record after record. Yesterday, he won the 100m butterfly by 1/100th of a second.

During interviews, he seems rather nice, down-to-earth. Still, he is somewhat odd, at least the media is playing him to be this way.

Previous report of his diagnosis of ADD as a child. His mother directed his energies into sports. He found his knack in swimming.

Also as a child, he was picked on by other children. He does have protruding ears and a strange under-bite/ jaw alignment. Also, he is somewhat 'gangly' (tall and thin). Along with behaviors associated with ADD, I'm sure he was a target.

These two things define him as an 'underdog,' which people love to hear and associate with.

In addition, the media have scrutinized his body:

• His legs relate to someone who is 6', whereas his torso relates to someone who is 6'8". He is 6'4" (I think), with an arm span of 6'7." Somewhat dismorphic, but has the advantage of strong legs and a long stretch.
  
• He is double-jointed in his knees and elbows, giving him more flexibility.
• Some say his ankles and wrists are the same. His hands and feet are somewhat over-sized.

It will be interesting to see what happens after the games.
I guess he made 25 million from endorsements after Athens. How much more can he make?

Back to my life....

Money worries already. I am estimating my gas expenditures based on $4/gallon, so around $65/week ($130 a pay cycle). I was paid yesterday. After paying Citibank loan, Rockford college loan, and Toyota loan, I ran my bi-weekly trip to Target and Woodmans. I narrowed the lists while I was shopping. I have $140 left. I will be out of cigarettes today and I wanted to get my car washed. We shall see.

I applied for after-school positions, and spoke with the athletic director. She asked me about doing the sports tutoring after school and being a timer/score-keeper. It does not pay much, but it is something.

I will try to squeeze in Spanish tutoring as well.

Still, I am still somewhat hesitant and disturbed from the phone call. Seeing a few students this week, it has been interesting to hear what they are saying- what students have said about me over the summer. This, among other things, just adds to my unsettled feeling.

I need to make a plan.
So I returning, once again, to my goal-planning cycle.
I've been here time and time again; It is tiresome.

Where do I want to be in five years, and how am I going to get there?
Lots to think about.

Al verano, ¡Adiós!

Summer is pretty much over, at least my mind-set says it is.
This is the last full-week of summer (today is Tuesday); next week we begin institute days on Wednesday.

I went in yesterday to work on my room. Jill came in to help out and for a little Spanish conversation practice. I will go in again tomorrow and, probably, Friday.

I ditched the feng shui thing. I did apply a few things, but, as a whole, it really was not going to work. I am doing a star theme this year.... las estrellas.

No word from Ms. Roach about tutoring. It has been a few weeks. She was all gung-ho for it when I spoke with her, but perhaps Mike is just not for it.

Discussed the phone message with Kathy. I felt she was playing it down and making it a non-issue. Of course, I went off a bit.

New textbooks in. Hopefully, they were delivered to my room today. No workbooks yet. As I've said before, there are SO MANY options with this text series that I am not sure where to begin.

The first day, only 15-minute classes, I think I am going to do introductions using Me llamo.... and ¿Cómo te llamas? The next week, a full week, I am going to concentrate on classroom information (rules, procedures, class information), passing out the student materials on Friday (with a short assignment). Not quite sure yet.

Otherwise, went to gym this AM and mowed the lawn. David is at the doctor this afternoon, so I plan to clean the house.

Near the Turn

After a bit of time stewing, slowly things are turning around.

Still some procrastination, and still some inner-struggles, but the turn is near. I can feel it.

After a late start, I focused energy yesterday to get my classroom bulletin boards together- a little more than half finished. And then came home and mowed the yard (it was dark when I finished).

Today, I began with a good stride (working on bulletin board stuff), even though I woke up late, but now it has wained some. Hitting the procrastination threshold.

I have four things on my TTD list this weekend:

1. Clean the house
2. Mow the lawn- DONE
   
3. Work in the gardens
1. Finish west.
2. Begin east.
   
4. School preparations
1. Displays
2. First day/ week
3. First unit lessons

So how much will get done? Who knows.

All I know is that I am feeling close to PANIC mode. Perhaps this is what moves me.

If I focus on what I have accomplished, and not on what I am lacking..... well, it is difficult. I see what I have not accomplished everyday (house, garden, body, etc.).

I find it very difficult to make the decision on what to do/ set the priority. It is all important.

Today, since the weather is a bit wet (rain this morning and called for this afternoon), I will concentrate on indoor projects. I have the house to clean and I still have not tackled the guest room (my dressing room).

Afterwards, I will work on school preparations or my schedules for fall.

Phone Call

Today is Thursday.
I've been sitting on this for a few days to think it through:

On Tuesday, I received the following phone message at home-




I guess I've decided the following:

• Most likely, it is a group of students, one of which is child of a district employee and a previous student, who got a hold of the staff directory and decided to make prank calls.
• I believe at least one of the kids is a student from my previous H.S. class- I'm thinking it is Andrew, but could also be Brittany. I would hate to think that the kid could be one of my "beasts" (third-hour boys), but I guess it could be a possibility.
• I do not necessarily believe the call to be 'threatening,' but it does bother me that a (former) student called my house just to be a jerk, and this student (group of students) has my address.
• This is not the first time, nor probably the last time, my personal life will become subject to inappropriate comment from my professional life.
• Honestly, this adds to the reasons why Freeport may not be the district for me. (In contrast to the reasons it is for me.) If I lived in town, would I be a more-convenient target?

I spoke to Ms. Norman, filed a police report, and email FEA (among others). Probably overkill, but it is all about documentation.

But, life goes on.....

I've been organizing my classroom. It's been a slow process. Not that there is a lot to do, rather it is a procrastination issue. Pretty much everything is put away, with only the bulletin boards, posters, and other visuals to do.

Yesterday was the first day of registration (at the H.S.). I stopped by and spoke with a few former students and parents.

I spoke with the athletic director as well- she asked me last year about coaching/ involvement in athletics. Positions are paid. Probably, I will "get my feet wet" with being a scorekeeper and volunteer, but there is a swimming position available (JHS off-season, one-month). We shall see.

Martha and I decided that the first-year syllabus will go through chapter 6 in the textbook. Originally, I proposed through the middle of chapter 8. I am more comfortable with less, as it will give me more time to explore the various activities in our new textbook series.

I have PLENTY of preparation to do for the year to keep me busy- two weeks until classes begin.

Other things....
I have to GET ORGANIZED and STOP PROCRASTINATING!

Goals I had for myself for the summer were not accomplished. I have to accept this, do what I can, and then just move on. With little time left, I just have to do this.

I need to reorganize, set schedules, and get it together.
Yes, I know, another demonstration of cyclic behavior.

Anticipation

This feeling lingers a bit, but not too bad.
I think it is due to the anticipation of the new school year, and perhaps, with disappointment of not getting things done over the summer. I am not quite sure, but it is something.

I can tell myself.... "let it go, let it go, let it go," but it does not work.
There is just so much on my summer TTD list left undone.

But I am a 'list' person. So the things that are not done are on another list (haha). Not funny, really, as I just use it to beat myself up.

With school starting soon, I have another list.
I've been in getting my room together- a slow process.
I've started on syllabus, handouts, and lessons.

I am a bit nervous though.
I've heard that this group of students is not a very good group (behavior issues).

A need to reorganize; restart.
I've been here before, cycle-after-cycle-after-cycle.
Not sure where to begin or where to end. Is there ever an end?

What will I do today?

Weird Buzz

Something is off today.
Not quite sure what it is.

I feel like something bad is going to happen.

August 1

I planned to begin my "school schedule" today, in preparation for the school year. Well, that is not what has happened. I went to bed very late (working on school prep), work up late, and with little desire for much.

So, I will try it again tomorrow.
It is going to be an issue if I can not get my schedule down to a habit.

So much to do. So much to do.