Six inches of snow last night, and still a bit more. We are under a storm watch until early evening. Pretty, but I was looking forward to spring. Just have to wait a bit longer I guess.
Last week, another round of ups and downs- and still fighting the balance:
I presented the Costa Rica trip to the Board on Tuesday. I should hear something next week. Again, I am a bit torn because I do not know if I am going to stay at Freeport.
Thursday, I had an observation. It did not go as well as I hoped, but it was OK. Part of it was because I was somewhat teaching from the hip (change in plans) and the other reason was due to the hour (7th is not always the best, with some demonstration of why). I have not heard back, but I assume everything was OK. Students were engaged.
After school on Thursday, a guardian of one of my HS students came in. Student is not doing well and has had a series of behavior issues. Went OK, but nothing really resolved.
Friday, the FL/IC bake sale- which I believe went well. After, the movie activity, which did not go so well, but OK.
Friday, David put an offer in on that condo we looked at. I am still not sure, but I have accepted that we need to get out from this house.
As for next week:
Need to finish unit 3.2 by Thursday.
Fiesta on Friday.
FL/IC skating activity on Saturday.
Otherwise.... somewhat OK, but like I said, a bit out-of-balance.
21.2.09
14.2.09
Off-game
Just not the way things should be.... a lot of frustration this week.
We are going to have to get rid of the house- obvious fact. Another heavy discussion about it. A couple of repos as options. Condo in Rockford is actually nice size, but needs work and not in decent area. Actually, a nervous area (at least to me). I would rather get a house for the garden, but then again, these repos need work and is there time and money for that. The condo is now down to 15G; we have not looked at any homes (but in similar range). Really, a sad situation.
Move to Freeport? Ugh! It is a quandary. Life could be easier, but could also be worse for the wear.
This, of course, reflects on my financials. My responsibilities on daily living cover daily expenses (groceries and the like, some bills), but it is just not enough. My salary is not what is needed in the bigger picture of life. These couple of years in Spanish will look good on a resume- which means that I have to look for a position with a higher salary base. Freeport has the good and the bad, which will be in any district, but the salary and the benefits are in the bad- which, at the end of the pay period, affect and/or add to our current situation. Still, at the end of most days, I do feel that I do make a difference.
Teaching this week was somewhat 'going through the motions.' I set the week up for heavy review of first semester material, I had to somewhat take the blame for some of my own disappointment of student achievement. Then again, some students are just NOT DOING WHAT THEY NEED TO DO to succeed- and I can not take the blame for than, nor should I turn it into some self-defecating mind-fuck. At the end of the week, with a review exam (essay), I am hoping to see improvement (still have to grade), but I am not holding my breath with certain students.
And then I am going to the Board next week for my Costa Rica trip... Can I really push the trip when I may not be around? Is that fair to the students who sign up? I do not know.
This also reflects David and I. Ups and downs and all-arounds. What do I feel? What is love? Sometimes I just feel so jaded. When things get stressful between us, I return to the 'flight,' whereas when he needs protection, I am in the 'fight.' It is so hard to define- should it be so hard to define?
He needs to decide what to do with his life, as I need to do with mine. I believe that if we were better individuals, perhaps we would be a better couple.
His heath concerns are my concerns, but sometimes I get so tired of his complaining. I understand that there is no cure for CFS and his allergies, only tolerance. Still, there has to be a balance. I feel bad.
Spain is an obvious thorn.
And then there are a handful of other things, but they add to the mix.
Overall.... I am in the in-between.
Stuck in some unknown, between two jagged parallels: painful. Someone has to pick me up and move me to a safer place or I will eventually fall to the bottom, sides worn down due to constant friction of the elements of life.
But so is life, at least my life. It has been this way for so long. Fighting desire v. reality; ignoring obvious clues and insights in lieu of idealization.
I need it to all play-out as quick as possible. It may be more painful, but then the long-term throb will be over.
Oh, yea.... Happy Valentine's Day. Chinese and a nice bottle of wine last night for dinner.
Little expectation for much else- a learned behavior. Sad.
We are going to have to get rid of the house- obvious fact. Another heavy discussion about it. A couple of repos as options. Condo in Rockford is actually nice size, but needs work and not in decent area. Actually, a nervous area (at least to me). I would rather get a house for the garden, but then again, these repos need work and is there time and money for that. The condo is now down to 15G; we have not looked at any homes (but in similar range). Really, a sad situation.
Move to Freeport? Ugh! It is a quandary. Life could be easier, but could also be worse for the wear.
This, of course, reflects on my financials. My responsibilities on daily living cover daily expenses (groceries and the like, some bills), but it is just not enough. My salary is not what is needed in the bigger picture of life. These couple of years in Spanish will look good on a resume- which means that I have to look for a position with a higher salary base. Freeport has the good and the bad, which will be in any district, but the salary and the benefits are in the bad- which, at the end of the pay period, affect and/or add to our current situation. Still, at the end of most days, I do feel that I do make a difference.
Teaching this week was somewhat 'going through the motions.' I set the week up for heavy review of first semester material, I had to somewhat take the blame for some of my own disappointment of student achievement. Then again, some students are just NOT DOING WHAT THEY NEED TO DO to succeed- and I can not take the blame for than, nor should I turn it into some self-defecating mind-fuck. At the end of the week, with a review exam (essay), I am hoping to see improvement (still have to grade), but I am not holding my breath with certain students.
And then I am going to the Board next week for my Costa Rica trip... Can I really push the trip when I may not be around? Is that fair to the students who sign up? I do not know.
This also reflects David and I. Ups and downs and all-arounds. What do I feel? What is love? Sometimes I just feel so jaded. When things get stressful between us, I return to the 'flight,' whereas when he needs protection, I am in the 'fight.' It is so hard to define- should it be so hard to define?
He needs to decide what to do with his life, as I need to do with mine. I believe that if we were better individuals, perhaps we would be a better couple.
His heath concerns are my concerns, but sometimes I get so tired of his complaining. I understand that there is no cure for CFS and his allergies, only tolerance. Still, there has to be a balance. I feel bad.
Spain is an obvious thorn.
And then there are a handful of other things, but they add to the mix.
Overall.... I am in the in-between.Stuck in some unknown, between two jagged parallels: painful. Someone has to pick me up and move me to a safer place or I will eventually fall to the bottom, sides worn down due to constant friction of the elements of life.
But so is life, at least my life. It has been this way for so long. Fighting desire v. reality; ignoring obvious clues and insights in lieu of idealization.
I need it to all play-out as quick as possible. It may be more painful, but then the long-term throb will be over.
Oh, yea.... Happy Valentine's Day. Chinese and a nice bottle of wine last night for dinner.Little expectation for much else- a learned behavior. Sad.
7.2.09
Winter Thaw?
50s today- Wow! Not quite yet though.
All week will be upper 30s-40s..... and then back to the 20s and maybe a bit of snow.
My mind moves to the gardens. I need to focus this year: What is important and what is not in the yard. Too much to do otherwise.
I have to PLAN this year; not just work.
(Who knows if we will be here anyway.- So why bother, eh?)
Still, so much to do, so much to do.
Rollercoaster week at school:
HS students have been predictably worrisome (and troublesome as well). Some days I just wish I could kick a few of them in the pants- perhaps a stroke of reality cause-and-effect will allow them to see their error of ways. Thus, I have decided that this class is going to be 'content only' with no extras. It is not worth the inner-toil, really, and so many of them are so lazy that they do not have the experiences I wish them to have because they CHOOSE not to do the work. So, it will be as much in-class as I can fit. I may go 'assessment only' with weekly participation and homework for this class as well- again, they do not do the work anyway. I do not know yet.
JHS students have been a mixed-bag this week.... Ups and downs all over the place.
So many Ds and Fs right now I am beside myself.
It is time for a reevaluation and reconnection to the subject and students.
What is really important and what is not for the demonstration of the objectives? Perhaps I need to throw out all of the extras for all classes.
And then I am WAY BEHIND on grading, which looks very bad.
Another very busy weekend.
Other things....
A general uneasiness, really. Nothing major, just a lot of little things.
All week will be upper 30s-40s..... and then back to the 20s and maybe a bit of snow.My mind moves to the gardens. I need to focus this year: What is important and what is not in the yard. Too much to do otherwise.
I have to PLAN this year; not just work.
(Who knows if we will be here anyway.- So why bother, eh?)
Still, so much to do, so much to do.
Rollercoaster week at school:HS students have been predictably worrisome (and troublesome as well). Some days I just wish I could kick a few of them in the pants- perhaps a stroke of reality cause-and-effect will allow them to see their error of ways. Thus, I have decided that this class is going to be 'content only' with no extras. It is not worth the inner-toil, really, and so many of them are so lazy that they do not have the experiences I wish them to have because they CHOOSE not to do the work. So, it will be as much in-class as I can fit. I may go 'assessment only' with weekly participation and homework for this class as well- again, they do not do the work anyway. I do not know yet.
JHS students have been a mixed-bag this week.... Ups and downs all over the place.
So many Ds and Fs right now I am beside myself.
It is time for a reevaluation and reconnection to the subject and students.
What is really important and what is not for the demonstration of the objectives? Perhaps I need to throw out all of the extras for all classes.
And then I am WAY BEHIND on grading, which looks very bad.
Another very busy weekend.
Other things....
A general uneasiness, really. Nothing major, just a lot of little things.
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