Crazy.
There are moments when I see the fork in the road: two directions, of which one is a familiar path, and then the other, vaguely familiar. I know the former, because that is the path I always seem to take, therefore I know where it leads, and the path is a troubled one. The later is the one I should take, and, in my mind, is the one I begin with, only to cut across to the other. Why? No idea. Comfort in chaos perhaps, or because the less-destructive path is too conforming, too empathetic or maybe I just enjoy a wild ride.
So, Mr. Wiley tell me to go to the HS Tuesday after school. En route, I am trying to figure out why: Did I say something? Do something? Offend some student with my banter and wit? In Mr. Thake's office, he tells me that I am on a student's "hit list." This student was in my class two years ago and I have had nothing much to do with him over the past two years- other than a hello in the hall whenever I've seen him. I remember him being somewhat of a troubled student (he has and IEP), but rather harmless, maybe a bit angry. I never wrote him up for anything- sending him to see a fellow teacher, as requested.
Anyway, my mind is a buzz, not really listening, trying to figure out why. Mr. Thanke tells me that his mother found this note, brought it to school, and pulled his son out for psychiatric evaluation at Mayo to see one of his doctors. Mother claims a medication issue due to growth. He refers back to a referral he received in 8th grade (at first, one I thought I wrote) and tells me that there are a number of people in this note, so I can not see it due to confidentially. Thanke notes a post-Colombine law, which offically removes the student, but reminds me that he has an IEP so he may return once his doctor approves.
Thank you.
I look up the referral- it was from another teacher. The student called me a "faggot."
Sinking in, like rancid oil ruining the cake.
Wednesday, I return to the HS, asking if there was any reason stated in the note. No. I am leary about Thanke, as he plays politics. I see Everding, the FEA rep at the HS, explaining, but not sure- as I have not seen the list, other than it is in letter form. I explain that this is the sixth or seventh time that my sexuality has been an issue.
First hour, HS class, I go off a bit.... Basically telling them that my personal life is no one's business and if they have questions or concerns, they can see me after school. "I did not know my life was so facinating."
I call Ms. Norman, explaining that I am on a hit list. She is in my room by 2nd hour. I repeat what I told FEA. I ask if the District approves if I just say "yes" if a student asks me directly if I am gay. She asks if it has come up; "yes." And what I say, "It has nothing to do with learning Spanish." She prefers my current answer. I am not getting the responses I am looking for.... I add that the only reason I came back this year was because I have the Asst. Principal's daughter and note that we see what happened in Spanish when there was the substitute in the position. She asks me what I want. I told her I do not want some forced "sensitivity traning" as that it is a promotion of an agenda that staff and parents may not be comfortable with (a hit to the so-called "equity" conference). I ask for a couple days off, sick days, not personal, she agrees. Finally, some movement, and I backtrack a bit attempting to calm the mood.
Mr. Wiley and I talk during my 3rd hour. He tells me that I have the days if I want them. I see Nick and I am quite sure Ms. Norman told him what I said. Later, Mr. Wiley tells me that Officer Hale review the note and there is no reason stated why I am on the list.
Everding emails- telling me to call. Call to her: Thanke told her the same thing. I asked if she saw the letter. No. I voice my concern that I do not know the extent of the threat because I nor she has been able to see the letter.
Of course, I was told not to talk about it, but I was. Told students that they may have a sub on Thursday and give them the assignments.
I decided not to take the days off- all students have tests next week; reteaching grammar concepts on Thursday to 8th grade; and what would it look like to students, those who actually know, if I heel. Email to Wiley and Norman stating that I will be in class.
Thursday, somewhat easy day. Students sensed my mood on Wednesday.
Friday, institute day with a department meeting in the morning. En route, my mood errupts, not only over this, but other school issues.
After the department meeting, which was another cause for the so-called "equity," this one for data, where the only minority counted was the AA population. and two of the department called in sick, and Martha said something refering to her cancer- which just adds to my mood. Afterwards, I go off in a big way, probably too much. Telling her that if they allow him back in school, they will have to find a new Spanish teacher.
I go to the conference, part of the JHS institute program. Speaking to teachers in between breaks, I probably say too much- mood is leading the way.
Call to Everding. I want to speak to FEA Legal.
Weekend. Mood here, but waining.
It is always in the reflection and hindsight that the web becomes evident. Those strands of truths and half-truths and blatent lies- leading to threats and overzealous statements, of which I will have to answer to.
