Ides of March

Julius Caesar was killed on the 15th of March; In Shakespeare's play Caesar is warned to beware of the "ides of March."


Such a transitional time- the ravages of winter with pockets of life poking through.

My mood is very mixed- mainly about work.
Sending out resumes and filling out online applications for next year. I have not been asked to return to FSD, at least not yet. Perhaps they assume that a meeting is not necessary (that I am coming back) or just waiting until the 15th- the day that all invites, I believe, have to be stated. I am not tenure, so I just have to wait.
Will I return?
This year has been filled with drama, admitting that some of it is on my own accord, and I have reached a limit; I feel the limit, perhaps crossed over. I am not going to write the laundry list, although it circles around in my mind, but there is quite a bit. Among other things:

• When asked a colleague of my negative qualities, "unprofessional" was an adjective used in regard to dealing with HS administration over student issues. (Yet, Kathy wrote a glowing reference.)
• My respect for the Chair and department colleagues is at an all-time low. Martha's inability to lead; Lisa's questionable moral judgment.
• The 'gay thing' has been a serious thorn this year.
• Student behavioral issues- with the same students over and over, and I believe those in charge are not following the protocol.

There is really not much out there thus far. It is still early though. With the State in the red and not sending districts their money, schools are cutting back, particularly in areas that are not core- there may not be much anyway.
I would really like to get back to the 'burbs, which means changes beyond just the job; I do not see a change in the future of the plateau that David and I are on. If either of us were strong enough or had some sort of back-bone, it would have been over long ago. I feel that we are together because we have been together- the "married couple syndrome" of boredom, teetering stablilty, and status quo. It is comfortable enough to tolerate. David mentioned years ago how our relationship is "platonic" (in one of our heated moments)- which it is: purely spiritual; free from sensual desire. Is that really they type of relationship I want to be in for the rest of my life?

I guess I could return to school for a year- finish my MAT. But that would be a year without a pay check and insurance.

Tired, I guess. Perhaps it is the idea of 40 looming around.

Otherwise....
Went to Madrid with ACIS. Nice to get away for an extended weekend. Informative, but not so much of a sales pitch- it was just to demonstrate what ACIS offers to travelers. Although I was just there in June, seeing most of what we toured, I enjoyed it.

Adam's wedding towards the end of the month- another mini-vacation.
Grandma had a pacemaker put in while I was in Madrid- perhaps, we'll go down during Spring Break.

Paris via EF in May; Costa Rica mid-June.