Easter

Still not smoking; four days now. Good and bad. Still have an urge, but mentally I know the patch is sustaining the nicotine- so it is about breaking the habit. Driving to Freeport yesterday was a bit of a test. Seemed to take longer than normal, but I survived. Every few hours I feel the need, but again, it is habitual need to do the activity.
Originally, I figured I could do it in six weeks, now I am thinking maybe eight. I think the program is 10. According to the Nicoderm site, if my quit day was 31 March, step 2 begins 12 May, then 3 02 June. I think I can do it quicker than that.

Spring brings the desire to change. This time is a bit painful, not quite sure why, perhaps because 40 is also looming in the background. A lot of scrutiny for this one. Not so much anger, but there is self-inflicted malevolence, if not ignorance of the true state of affairs.

Change, at least the root of it for me, is changing cycles- habitual cycles. Trying to understand the whys and results of the cycle is some place I've been before countless times.
I just have to do it; Break the cycle by starting another. Too much too soon gets me nowhere, or I quit it quick. I am just not sure, not confident. I know what I need to do, it just comes down to doing it. Frustrating. Its like seeing the finish line, but walking off the track without passing through. Interesting; Self-defeating, punishing, non-deserving attitude.

I did not forget it was Easter, but did forget about Semana Santa. Missed the live feed from Seville.
Holidays are such a pain, at least that is what they have become, so it is easier to ignore or forget them.
Nothing on the agenda, nothing with a "holiday feel." How did I get like this? I used to enjoy the holidays.

Otherwise, break is just about over. Classes resume on Tuesday. Quick end-of-year, just six weeks or so. It will be busy and fly by.