Feeling somewhat better.
Double workout at gym today, so feeling good in that arena. A definite difference compared to last weekend, when I skipped it both days. Plan is to do it again tomorrow. Now if I can just get through enough during the week, I'll be all set.
Work is work is work.
Definitely a struggle here. The whole dynamic has changed. Have not figured it all out, but not happy.
But not unhappy enough to work on resume and portfolio. Need a bit of fire under the ass, I guess- I want to be ready if something pops up.
At the curriculum planning meeting, Martha put in a jab and I kept my mouth shut. Of course, my mind is churning. I should have spoke up.
Projects around the house in a stall.
Need to push a bit harder.
Would like to get that bedroom done so we can take in another foster child. Maybe David is procrastinating a bit because he does not want to do it again. He has not said anything, but perhaps that is the case.
28.1.12
22.1.12
Sunday
Whatever this mood is, it needs to quit.
Either I am way stuck in the in-between or I'm moving towards the deep end.
No gym in two days.... I'm sure that it part of it.
This weather probably does not help either (cold, cold, cold).
Finished lesson plans yesterday morning, with plans to get other things done.... but no. Lazy, lazy and vegged on the sofa. Did not shower until 5. Fell asleep on the sofa around 9, crawled into be around 3 and slept until almost 9.
Today.... things to do.
Gotta snap out of it!
Either I am way stuck in the in-between or I'm moving towards the deep end.
No gym in two days.... I'm sure that it part of it.
This weather probably does not help either (cold, cold, cold).
Finished lesson plans yesterday morning, with plans to get other things done.... but no. Lazy, lazy and vegged on the sofa. Did not shower until 5. Fell asleep on the sofa around 9, crawled into be around 3 and slept until almost 9.
Today.... things to do.
Gotta snap out of it!
21.1.12
21 Saturday
A bit off today.....
No gym.
Trying to get things done, but focus is not quite there.
A couple of emails from Patty about placements.
Perhaps I am a bit sad because we're still not taking kids. There are kids out there that need a place to be and we're on the list, but declining placements (because we can't/ won't/ procrastinate getting things done around here). So where are these kids going- better or worse? I guess I feel that we have an obligation, we "signed up", but not holding up our part of the bargain.
No gym.
Trying to get things done, but focus is not quite there.
A couple of emails from Patty about placements.
Perhaps I am a bit sad because we're still not taking kids. There are kids out there that need a place to be and we're on the list, but declining placements (because we can't/ won't/ procrastinate getting things done around here). So where are these kids going- better or worse? I guess I feel that we have an obligation, we "signed up", but not holding up our part of the bargain.
20.1.12
1/2 snow day
School closed at noon- was out the door by 12:20.
Hour and 1/2 drive home. A moment of white-out and white-knuckle driving due to passing truck that was scary, but got home.
Still snowing a bit. Calling for 3-6 inches.
Hour and 1/2 drive home. A moment of white-out and white-knuckle driving due to passing truck that was scary, but got home.
Still snowing a bit. Calling for 3-6 inches.
16.1.12
Monday, MLK
Happy to have today off.
Still have a slew of grading and prep work to do for work.
Double work out at gym today.
Had to push through second part- but finished it, and feel a sense of accomplishment (mind over matter achievement).
Slowing getting through the "puffy" stage and feeling a bit of hardness in the muscles.
Abs still soft. Not sure what to do for that.
Workouts this week are going to be a bit rough.
Cleaned the house yesterday. Need to get this done on a regular basis- not this bi-weekly (sometimes tri) crap. Way too much dust.
Half of the formal exams are graded. Need to finish those up and then the essays.
Want to get the unit maps done, and then get to the plans for the week.
I need to get a good set going- something for the portfolio.
Nancy coming over later today to help me get organized and work some things out.
Busy day.
Still have a slew of grading and prep work to do for work.
Double work out at gym today.
Had to push through second part- but finished it, and feel a sense of accomplishment (mind over matter achievement).
Slowing getting through the "puffy" stage and feeling a bit of hardness in the muscles.
Abs still soft. Not sure what to do for that.
Workouts this week are going to be a bit rough.
Cleaned the house yesterday. Need to get this done on a regular basis- not this bi-weekly (sometimes tri) crap. Way too much dust.
Half of the formal exams are graded. Need to finish those up and then the essays.
Want to get the unit maps done, and then get to the plans for the week.
I need to get a good set going- something for the portfolio.
Nancy coming over later today to help me get organized and work some things out.
Busy day.
15.1.12
15 Jan
Feeling a bit better today.....
Gym this morning, after taking yesterday off (first time in a month). At first, somewhat not into it, but did move into it after beginning the workout. Into the 5th week, so half-way through the program. Seeing some progress, particularly in the shoulders, but lacking in mid-section (still flabby there). Goal is to be shirtless by summer- and look good.
Procrastination is, and always seems to be, an issue. Too much time on Facebook for sure- the hours WASTED there.
Cleaning house today. School work follows (end of quarter), still need to finish grading exams and post grades and then organize next unit for both sections. Want to have a good guide to be able to put in my portfolio.
Yes, this is probably my last year at FSD, at least that is the plan. Too tired and cranky, if not just "burned-out". At the very least, I would like something closer. If any/ all teaching jobs are going to be like this, at least I won't be spending so much money on driving. We shall see.
Gym this morning, after taking yesterday off (first time in a month). At first, somewhat not into it, but did move into it after beginning the workout. Into the 5th week, so half-way through the program. Seeing some progress, particularly in the shoulders, but lacking in mid-section (still flabby there). Goal is to be shirtless by summer- and look good.
Procrastination is, and always seems to be, an issue. Too much time on Facebook for sure- the hours WASTED there.
Cleaning house today. School work follows (end of quarter), still need to finish grading exams and post grades and then organize next unit for both sections. Want to have a good guide to be able to put in my portfolio.
Yes, this is probably my last year at FSD, at least that is the plan. Too tired and cranky, if not just "burned-out". At the very least, I would like something closer. If any/ all teaching jobs are going to be like this, at least I won't be spending so much money on driving. We shall see.
14.1.12
14 Jan
After sleeping a good 8 hours......
Feeling like I'm still "riding the line".
Something is up.
Feeling like I'm still "riding the line".
Something is up.
13.1.12
Friday 13
Second week back from winter break. Quarter exams finished. Time to start anew.
Way in the "in-between" mood, maybe even a bit past.
Not sure how it is going to turn out.
Bizarre dream last Sunday.....
Hit kid with car; drove-over.
Very unsettling, still.
Tried not to be confrontational at work this week, as recommended by David (weekly horoscope), but harboring those feelings did some damage.
Busy weekend- lots to do.
Three days (MLK Monday).
Way in the "in-between" mood, maybe even a bit past.
Not sure how it is going to turn out.
Bizarre dream last Sunday.....
Hit kid with car; drove-over.
Very unsettling, still.
Tried not to be confrontational at work this week, as recommended by David (weekly horoscope), but harboring those feelings did some damage.
Busy weekend- lots to do.
Three days (MLK Monday).
7.1.12
Back to work
Slept nearly 11 hours last night- crashed on the sofa and up before 6. Definitely needed it; been a rough week.
First of all, I think I've hit "burn out" at work.
I find myself a bit mean with students, really unsympathetic with those that have not demonstrated any desire or work ethic. They want to raise their grade and I am not offering anything; "study for the test", and that is about it. I remind them that they have half the year to turn their grade around, but sadly, most of those asking will not. In class, I am generally going through the motions- not really enthusiastic; doing what I have to do and that is about it.
I am also having rounds with Martha. After submitting my curriculum plan, we are now supposed to meet for a half-day to organize a K-12 plan. If there is no grade school plan nor high school plan, I know this meeting will not be productive, so I've opted out (because there are no plans). Now the meeting is mandatory and I am still kicking and screaming. If I have to go, I guess I'll have to. Won't be a happy day.
I've begun a new resume and organizing portfolio materials.
Second, David and I are on edge.
I'm sure part of it is a carry-over from work. Pretty much in a bad mood, tired, cranky when I return home.
There is also the issue of the house projects. Been a long time and still hanging around the finish line. Bathrooms not 100% yet (still waiting for Nate, electrician, plumber).
But then there is something else. He is looking for recognition, and I am not giving it. I can, and I know I should, but I'm not. What is that about?
Finally, I'm feeling a bit tired of life.
It is the combination of work and David, but then also my own reflections upon my life.
What is happiness, really?
What do I want to do?
Why am I such a procrastinator?
What is the feeling of being "complete"?
How many regrets/ failures am I just going to accept?
Mind is churning, obviously.
Going to be an interesting time.
First of all, I think I've hit "burn out" at work.
I find myself a bit mean with students, really unsympathetic with those that have not demonstrated any desire or work ethic. They want to raise their grade and I am not offering anything; "study for the test", and that is about it. I remind them that they have half the year to turn their grade around, but sadly, most of those asking will not. In class, I am generally going through the motions- not really enthusiastic; doing what I have to do and that is about it.
I am also having rounds with Martha. After submitting my curriculum plan, we are now supposed to meet for a half-day to organize a K-12 plan. If there is no grade school plan nor high school plan, I know this meeting will not be productive, so I've opted out (because there are no plans). Now the meeting is mandatory and I am still kicking and screaming. If I have to go, I guess I'll have to. Won't be a happy day.
I've begun a new resume and organizing portfolio materials.
Second, David and I are on edge.
I'm sure part of it is a carry-over from work. Pretty much in a bad mood, tired, cranky when I return home.
There is also the issue of the house projects. Been a long time and still hanging around the finish line. Bathrooms not 100% yet (still waiting for Nate, electrician, plumber).
But then there is something else. He is looking for recognition, and I am not giving it. I can, and I know I should, but I'm not. What is that about?
Finally, I'm feeling a bit tired of life.
It is the combination of work and David, but then also my own reflections upon my life.
What is happiness, really?
What do I want to do?
Why am I such a procrastinator?
What is the feeling of being "complete"?
How many regrets/ failures am I just going to accept?
Mind is churning, obviously.
Going to be an interesting time.
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