Holiday blahs

Christmas came and went-
Not bad, but not great either.
Disappointing- but being disappointed is predictable (and I think I've just become a bit jaded).

Now in the one of the holiday in-betweens (between Christmas and my birthday), which is just a bit maddening.

Trey is grounded- being rude and disrespectful.
I am procrastinating- shit-load of work to do.

Went to get physical yesterday and we discussed my unhappiness- he has recommended a therapist.

Not looking forward to the rest of holiday break, but not looking forward to going back to work either.

Two weeks to winter break

Crunch time.

Holiday shopping for Trey is finished.

David is done too.

Trees up, but not decorated.

Most cards addressed.

Still have to shop for others.

Plan to finish it all up next weekend.

Work is OK.... dragging.

Next couple of weeks are going to be tough.

I have a plan, but we'll have to see how that goes.

Registered at RU to finish MAT.

One class starts in January, and have four more- after that, I am done.

Feeling OK, but not OK.

Holiday blues have calmed-down, so now just back in the in-between.

Moments high and low, but mostly in the muck.

Post-Thanksgiving

A couple days at Mom's with Trey.
Santa at Woodfield; traditional meal at Mom's.
Grading and school work.
Once home, David and I finished up Trey's Christmas.  Now on to the others.
Christmas cards this year- ordered.
Trey calendar 2015 complete.

Trey grounded today for his behaviors over the visit.
I just don't get it- and he obviously doesn't either.

Sadly, my holiday "blahs" are in full swing.
Had already been in a downturn and this is just another layer.
Will call to get some help- yes, it is that bad.
Unhappy in multiple facets- there is no "safe place."  This is more than being in the in-between.
Need to push through it, but finding it difficult- the desire is not there.
Depending upon routines to get through it- and not following them just makes it worse.

Adoption

Yesterday was the day.  Trey is official.
Nice day spent with family.

Early November

Transition.
I think this is why I am feeling so in-between.

Saying things, but not doing things.
Gotten into a loop of poor habits.

Everything is actually fine/OK.
I mean, I really do not have any complaints.
At least, nothing major or life-changing at the moment.

Still, I want to moan and groan about a bunch of random shit that really does not matter.
And when I think about it too hard, I find myself pulling up the "asshole" card for complaining when I really don't have much to complain about.

Not a fan when I get into this loop.

Autumn Aggravation

Whatever this mood is, it has not been good.
Irritation in many realms.
The internal path I'm on is very rocky.
Tired both physically and emotionally.
Continual disappointments.

Questioning many things....
Maybe I'm through with teaching- the student apathy is horrendous, ditto for some parents.  My tolerance is limited.  The student is not cutting-it, making the decision a long time ago to just not do anything or made the conscious decision to be problematic.  A parent phone call yesterday in which she supported her child's apathy was ridiculous, and I replied in kind.
Returning to Freeport was not a mistake, but perhaps a misjudgment concerning time and money which is creating a lot of stress.

Maybe I'm not suitable to be a parent- Trey's behavioral issues are continuing.  He just does not get it. Perhaps he is too young to understand, or I am not being accommodating to his age, or he is making the decision to just disregard the expectations.  Today, being sick and tired of his lack of respect and responsibility, I've pulled him out of the rest of piano and cancelled his Y activities for the second fall session.

Maybe I've hit my limit with David- He's known about this 25th reunion for months and last night he was complaining about the weekend schedule.  In the end, without argument, I said I would go on my own.  Also, I've ended my role in the house-hunting.  If David really wants to move, he'll find a house.  If he wants to fix up this house, I leave it to him to make the plans.  Additionally, I've stopped asking him about him getting a new car.  I worry that his car will break-down on the road, but it will be a life-lesson for him.  He moves like a turtle when it comes to making decisions and getting things done, and then pulls something last-minute, complaining and complaining.  Perhaps I've just lost my empathy.

Maybe I just fool myself with mirages and replays, ignoring the truths before me.
Perhaps I'm just thinking too much.
Perhaps this vent is just to create more internal drama.
I'm in a bad patch.

17 years

Weekend nearly over- procrastinating a bit.

Next weekend is our 17th anniversary and we're holding the main reception from our wedding in August.

17 years..... the year my parents separated.

David and I have been having a few interesting conversations. Although he does not say things directly, I'm pretty sure that I know what he is saying.

Work-

Work is fine.  No major problems, but feeling a bit of a disconnect for most of the day as I am not happy with my schedule.  Next semester does not look any better.  Hopeful for next year.

Still, I feel a bit behind in a lot of the little tasks, meaning the tasks that have nothing to do with teaching.  These little things have become a big part of my TTD list that just does not go away.

Next year at FPort?  Who knows.

At home-

Trey getting into some trouble at school.  Grounded this weekend, and basically until further notice.  Frustrating.

Moving/ not moving?  Found a house in FPort that works, but needs a lot of cosmetic work, which will be expensive.  David still on the fence.  Stay here or not stay here- I really don't care either way, so I'm out.  If we do move, it needs to be closer to work.

Adoption sometime in November.

Otherwise-

Interesting dream woke me up.

Corpse- Aspect of self that died.
Flies- Guilt or breakdown in plan; irritating/ annoying person.
Plastic- Burdens; insensitive.
Holes in fence- Can overcome and conquer.

Wedding day

Today is the day.....

Shouldn't be nervous, but I am just a bit.
After 17 years, I know what to expect, but still.

Ironic that this song comes to mind: Jezebel

As seems to be my phrase regarding current events, "I thought I'd be happier."
Maybe just my mood.
Or perhaps because I am settled in life, or maybe it is actually the opposite.

End of summer.....

Wedding day on Thursday....
Simple, in the yard.  Just family really.
Rings finished last week- just below the line of ostentatious (for a men's ring) at 1.25.
Over to Five Forks afterwards for dinner.
Organizing a small reception in October; our anniversary weekend.

Trey over at Rockford University for academic camp this week (to prep for the school year).
He seems to like it, at least after the first day.
I was a bit worried, but he seems OK.

Started moving into my room at Freeport.
The 'aire' is different.
Really thought I would be happier, but alas, no.
Not really all that excited.  I think the pay-cut is nagging behind me.
Paperwork tomorrow and a FL meeting.  Continue the move-in after that.
Freeport starts a week earlier than RKFD, so next Thursday starts institute.

Exit interview at Auburn today.
Returning materials.

Mom and I had a "money" argument over the weekend.
Ended OK, but in reality, SHE is the one with the money, not I.
She is not distributing the inheritance as she said she would.

Otherwise, OK.
Started getting up early in preparation for the school year.
Trying to figure out schedules.

Freeport

Decided to go back to Freeport.
Thought I would feel better, but I don't.

Interesting.

Decision Day

Back to Freeport this afternoon to meet with Ms. Norman.

This is the last meeting- will make the decision today.

Still debating in my head.

David says I can do what I want to do.

Does not make it any easier.

Mid-summer

It is about that time in the summer that I need to start preparing for the school year.

Summer meeting with Auburn admins this morning.
It went fine, nothing major.  More so a conversation to re-connect with non-tenure teachers.

Interview for my old job at Freeport this afternoon.
Not sure how it will go, not sure if I really want it.
I asked for my tenure back, so there is the backdoor.

I need a smaller "pond" and I do not see opportunities with RPS.

Hate putting myself in this web, but need to push through it.

Summer procrastination

When I have nothing to do, nothing gets done.  I always work better with schedules and lists.
Minor accomplishments, but not much else.

Mood is "riding the line" lately.
Things to say, but not quite sure yet.
A number of cross-roads at the moment, and maybe hesitant to choose the path.

Just need to bide some time.

First week back

Our vacation was very nice:

Summer in Aspen is beautiful.  Want to go back.

Vegas is Vegas, but nice to spend time with Dad and Jennifer.  The Cosmo turned out to be somewhat of a disappointment, but for the conveniences of the pool right out the door and the dog area on the same level, it was was perfect.

Oklahoma City was surprising nice.

Visit with Mom at the condo was relaxing.

The drive itself was not too bad, although if we do it again, I will cut the drive-hours to 6-8 (instead of 8-10).

Trey is at Camp Winnebago for the next four weeks; day camp with Thursday overnight.

Thus far, he seems to like it.

Last night was the first overnight, and we'll see how that went.  No phone call though, so that is a good sign.

Around the house, kind of being a bit lazy.  Procrastinating a bit.

Things to do.

Egan house back on the market.

Surprised David is hesitating, but not that surprised.

I am still hesitant myself: move or not to move.

Spanish position at FMS.

Applied and sent a message to Nick.

Not sure how it will turn out.  I asked for my tenure back and a fair placement on the salary scale.

Auburn is OK, but I need a smaller pond.

Wait and see.

Summer 01

Feeling a bit in limbo.  Summer will not begin until we're back from our trip.

Road trip begins on Monday- west to Vegas with a few days with Dad and then crisscross to Florida to see Mom at the condo and then home.  More days on the road that visit time.  Trying to stay positive, but unsure.  A lot of "firsts" on this trip.

Inspections at the Egan house was time and money well spent.  Although we don't have the numbers yet, I learned that I'm leaning towards staying here (not moving).  Still, if David really wants to move, we will move.  As soon as we get back, I am going to arrange for people to come here to see what can be done here.

Looks like Trey's mother was arrested again.  Not sure if it was on the day of the judge's decision.  She looks very sad and lost.

Lots to do to get ready for Monday- long and crazy day tomorrow.

Summer Begins

Last day of the school year (teachers) was yesterday.  My room has pretty much been packed-up and home for a couple of weeks, so it was really just taking the last few boxes.....

Overall, ended OK.  Not great.

In some ways, I think RPS is just too big; I'd rather be a bigger fish in a smaller pond, but it is not possible.

Additionally, I'm learning that the RPS "product" is more important than the actual production (student achievement).  Yes, it looks good on paper, but not in practice, with the argument of students "passing" but not necessarily "proficient."

I'm leaving somewhat angry, perhaps from being unsure/unhappy, or maybe from just being tired.  Who knows.

Otherwise, my big raise starts next year due to earning my masters- a 10,000 jump.  Can't be too sad about that.

Trey finished Monday and has been at Mom's for the past couple of days- picking him up today.

The judge struck down his mother's appeal, so adoption is the next step.

We need to get married before that, and have to decide on a name- we've scratched our previous ideas, leaning towards something that sounds like "Trey", Trenton.

Middle name, at least at this point, is Michael, after Denise's middle name (Michelle).

Leaving for vacation on Monday- road trip west to see Dad, then meeting Mom in Florida.

Still house hunting.

Thinking that maybe we just stay here.

Going back to the Egan house tomorrow to have some inspections..... we keep returning to that house, so we need to have the information to either keep considering it or knock it out.  Another price drop as well.

The Truman house had a price drop too, so it is also still in the running.

Went to a really interesting late 70s post-modern glass block house on a beautiful property....  Over our budget, considering the needed updates, and actually might be a bit small/ feels small with the open floor plan (3 bed, 3 1/2 bath; 4500 sqft).  But the property and deep-wood views from the house are really amazing.

Otherwise, OK.

Long time gone..... End of May 2014

Spring is here, but more exciting is the end of the school year- finished June 10.

Road trip planned, mapped and reservations made.  In short, leaving June 16 for Vegas and then meeting Mom at the condo in Florida.  Will be gone nearly three weeks.  Nervous that it is going to be a disaster, as the precursor signs have already started to show.  I said the last time that I would not do another road trip, but we're doing it nevertheless.  We'll just have to see how it turns out- could be wonderful.

End of school year for me- packing up.  Auburn going to academy system next year, so pretty much everyone is being moved to a different room to keep the academies together.  Not happy, but will deal with it.  Almost done with my room, really just my desk area left to do.  Did not get a pink slip and am on the schedule for next year- Spanish 1 and Spanish 2.  Staying?  I don't know.

Finished my MSL.  That whole thing was close to disaster, but rode it out and finished fine.  A in the practicum, not that my administrators did anything to really help me.  The whole project was a wash. Finished with a 3.93, all As with a B+ in School Law, which is fine with me.....  Going to become an administrator?  Probably not, at least not for Rockford.  There is an asst. principal position in Byron that I am debating to apply.

Looking at moving or staying.....  Conversation began when Aunt Jean died, with the expectation, as selfish as it may have been, that I would be getting a large sum.  In the end, it looks like this is not going to happen.  Still, I am very grateful for the money she gave me over the years and this last check (sometime this summer).....  So, we have been looking, if anything, to get out of Rockford before Trey hits junior high.  I think we have been a bit spoiled and have high expectations, which leads to higher price tags.  The Egan house in Leaf River has been in the running since the start- everything except for the indoor pool. Out in the "sticks", but a big house (maybe too much house) with five wooded acres.  Is a repo and needs work, but do-able if the inspections pan out and they take a low-ball offer.  A second big house in Rockton, another repo, with an indoor pool, also needs work.  Negative is that the master is on the second floor and although a lot of "bling", the quality of work is not really that good.  Better financing options with the first.  Just a waiting game, really....  Need to fix our own house prior to selling, which could also derail a move.  Septic work checked out OK.  Need a new roof, kitchen, garage floor, and a list of "cosmetics".  So, we'll have to see.

Otherwise, OK.
Not great, but OK.

Jan 12- Getting back to schedule

Three day week last week, but felt much longer.  I was exhausted, not back to the daily grind.  Should be OK this week being finals week, but you never know.  Additionally, my classes start next week (four months- will push through it because I hate it) with whatever papers and projects that need to be completed.  I will be happy when that is all over because I will be finished with Concordia.  I am back at the gym and Trey is back swimming at the Y.

Journaling has to become a weekly thing, as there is just not enough time nor privacy......

Day 8: Take some time today to reflect on your career. Jot down a timeline of it, including all the ups and downs. What was your best experience? And the worst? What would you like your future to look like, in terms of your career? If you’re a young man and haven’t started in yet, focus on that future part. What do you want your work to look like?

Although it took me a while to figure out my "adult" life and act as such, I am happy being a teacher.  Yes, financially on the pay scale, I am more than a decade behind, but that is OK.  The restaurant work served a purpose, and if I did not have other career interest, probably would have become a manager or something.  I enjoyed my interior design career, but the direction I took out of the gate was wrong.  Plus, I did not have the drive.
Biggest regret in my current career was leaving Freeport.  Still, I think it was inevitable, as David would have never moved.  Additionally, I think Martha and I would have had it out (and I might have been fired).  Nevertheless, the choice was made....  I'm glad I had the experience at Orangeville.  I learned a lot about students (cultural norms do not always follow racial lines) and about school administration and rural schools.  Being at Auburn now, it was the best choice (although I really wanted the Hononeagh interview), but not sure about the longevity.  If I was not doing the Concordia practicum, I think this year would be better.  Who knows.  I enjoy my department.  The students are students- good, bad, somewhere in the middle, and it depends upon the day.  Politics are politics and I have never been a fan.  Not sure what the future will bring, but pretty sure I do not want to be a school administrator.

Day 9: On this day, simply write about your day. This may seem especially boring, but write out the events of your day. What time you woke up, what you had for breakfast, what your commute was like, what you did during at work, how you spent your evening. If you’re journaling in the mornings, write about the previous day. The beauty of this exercise is that you may discover something that you hadn’t realized. Maybe you weren’t very productive at work, and reflecting on it can allow you to analyze why. Perhaps you finished a big project on the house when you got home; you can think about what motivated you, how it made you feel to finish something big, etc. Don’t discount the seemingly simple task of writing about your day.

Saturday, 11:
7:30- up, Trey up, breakfast, get ready for the Y.
8:30- depart for theY.
9-11- Trey has two swimming classes; my time on elliptical machine and treadmill.  Shower.
11- back home and lunch.
Blur- work time, but mostly procrastination and FB distraction.  Nap.  Dinner.  Watched Trey play video games.  Graded some papers.
8:30- bed, but could not sleep.  Fell asleep around 11.

Day 10: Take a look at the hero’s journey, and identify where you are in that journey. Doing so can help you better understand where you are in life, and help you figure out where to go next. You can take it in the context of your entire life, or you can take it in the context of a certain phase of your life. Either way, you can be sure that you’re part of a greater journey, and knowing what comes next can help guide you along.

Stage of the Journey	Description	Example
The Ordinary World	The Hero’s starting point	Dorothy Gale living on her farm (The Wizard of Oz)
The Call to Adventure	The Hero realizes that there is a larger world that he can be a part of	Harry Potter gets a letter from Hogwarts (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone)
Refusal of the Call	In a moment of doubt, the Hero decides not to undertake the quest	Luke Skywalker tells Obi-Wan Kenobi that he can’t go to Alderaan (Star Wars)
Meeting with the Mentor	Either the first encounter with the Mentor figure, or the moment when the Mentor encourages the Hero to take on the Quest	Daniel LaRusso meets Mr. Miyagi (The Karate Kid)
Crossing the First Threshold	The Hero moves from the Ordinary World to the Special World, and sees the difference between the two	The Narrator walks into Tyler Durden’s house for the first time (Fight Club)
Tests, Allies, and Enemies	The Hero begins to undertake tasks that will help him prepare for the road ahead; he also meets friends who will aid him, and foes who will try to stop him	Frodo leaves Rivendell with the Fellowship of the Ring, and has to learn how to be on the road as he goes (The Lord of the Rings)
Approach	Internal and external preparation; usually includes an imposing destination	Neo and Trinity gather an arsenal before heading off to rescue Morpheus (The Matrix)
The Ordeal	The central conflict in the story, the big boss fight, where the possibility of death is imminent	Dorothy and her friends battle the Wicked Witch in her castle (The Wizard of Oz)
Seizing the Sword/Reward	Having slain the enemy, the Hero is free to take the treasure; sometimes this is an item of great value, like the Holy Grail, or a person, but very often it’s something more abstract, like the end to a war	After the death of the dragon Smaug, Bilbo and the dwarves are free to help themselves to his treasure (The Hobbit)
Apotheosis and Resurrection	Often, the Hero needs for all of his growth to come to a head and manifest itself all at once in a moment of enlightenment called apotheosis; this realization is the death blow to the old self and beliefs, and the embracing of the new; this is punctuated by a symbolic (sometimes literal) death and resurrection	The Narrator realizes that in order for him to stop Tyler Durden, he must kill himself — by making peace with his own death he accepts mortality, and is, for a moment, truly at peace; he shoots himself and lives, though Tyler is dead (Fight Club)
The Road Back	The Special World, with all of its lessons and adventures, may have become more comfortable than the Ordinary World, and for some Heroes, returning can be harder than the initial departure.	After the One Ring is destroyed, Frodo has a hard time adapting to life as a normal Hobbit in the Shire (Return of the King)
Return with the Elixir and the Master of Two Worlds	The Hero returns home changed, and uses the gifts he received and lessons he learned on the journey to better others; at the same time, the Hero must come to terms with all of the personal changes he’s undergone; he must reconcile who he was with who he has become	Luke, now a Jedi, restores balance to the Force, helping bring peace to the galaxy; concurrently, he is able to resolve his relationship with his father and move on (Return of the Jedi)

I am not sure where I am in "the journey"..... most of the time I am somewhere in-between, feeling in flux or having internal conflict.  For whatever the reason, I thrive on conflict.  This is due, at least in part, to not being happy with the status quo, or, in a positive light, believing that there is always room for improvement.  Sadly, I think that I self-sabotage real gains.  Perhaps this is a need for constant "Apotheosis and Resurrection".  Also, I do not think life is necessarily a simple linear construction, rather there are sub-stories within the text.  So when one of these chapters end, others are still going through the cycle.  I can not recall any moment when I felt that I have collectively come to terms with all aspects of life.  I often compartmentalize my life, and currently there is a lot of flux.

Day 11: Memento mori. “Remember that you will die.” Admittedly, this isn’t the most pleasant topic. There is, however, great benefit in meditating on the reality that at some point, you will in fact die. It motivates you to live the life right now that you want to be living. Meditate on this, and write out your thoughts. Does death scare you? Does it motivate you? It’s okay to be honest.

From the reading, Memento mori: " This is your life. Whatever it is you want to do, whatever it is you want to change about yourself, whatever it is you want to see and feel and experience in this lifetime, you can’t put it off until your life begins or it will never happen. Get started now. And start savoring these every day, once-in-a-lifetime moments."....  Particularly, "you can’t put it off until your life begins or it will never happen."  This is difficult slap.  My biggest fear is ending my life with too many regrets, not that I have a lot, but I have some that have nagged me for years and years.  Plus, I don't want to be blamed for David's regrets.  Sadly, I believe that there are conflicts of desire between David and I, so things that I want to do (ie. Trey) will infringe upon things that David wants to do.  But, I am OK with it- what does that say?
Death does not scare me.  It is the cycle of life, and I would rather have quality over quantity.  Yes, there is sadness that I will not see what will come in the future, but we're not meant to live forever, nor do I believe that I would want to.....  I had this thought the other day- Mom is 66, and comparative to her mother, she has 30 years left (20 if  her father).  Trey will be in his 30s, and my "adult" life did not really begin until then.  Mom will not be around to see and experience Trey's adult life.  This makes me sad.
I guess in the end, I hope my life ends on my own terms and I am not filled with too many regrets.


Day 12: Give stream-of-consciousness writing a try. This is where you basically just write out whatever comes into your head at the moment it comes into your head. It can feel bizarre, and it’s certainly not structured, but it can lead to some valuable insights into what’s going on in your mind. I’ll give you a 10-second example from right now, while looking out my window: “Boy, I have a nice-looking grill outside and the weather is beautiful…just what we need after all this cold and snow. That cloud looks like a ship from Star Wars… it makes me want to be outside.. maybe I need to spend more time outside and appreciate the fresh air. Perhaps I’ll open a window!” Random? Absolutely. Offering some helpful insight about my desire/need for fresh air? Affirmative. Try this out for 10-15 minutes. You may uncover something — no matter how small — you hadn’t previously realized.

Looking out the window.... snow.  I remember skiing in Colorado.  steamboat, and we had the condo right off the trail, so we could ski down.  I remember going back again, after my parents separated to the same condo building, but it was different.  Also, it was my first exposure to ABFAB- the tv show.  It was so different and bizarre.  And I had the tapes that I would watch and watch and watch until I knew the catch phrases and major bits by heart.  I named Eva's puppies after some the characters and their phrases- Oliver, Saffron....  Who knows where or why I picked Harpo, which is from the Color Purple.  But the name fit.  Maggie has Harpo, who is getting up in age now.  He lost an eye due to infection and is having bladder issues.  Will probably be put down soon.  Sad.  And sad that we did not keep any of the puppies.  But if he had, perhaps we would not have Chance and Oak now.

07

Day 7: You’ve made it one week! Reflect on what this newfound practice has been like. Getting through the first seven consecutive days is truly the hardest part. Have you enjoyed it? Has it been difficult? Has it been what you expected?

Not very difficult, but I don't think I am going very "deep"....  All very surface.  Where is the epiphany?  Maybe I expected something when I shouldn't have.

06 January

No school- too cold (windchill factor, -40s); ditto for tomorrow (-30s).

Day 6: Pick a quote from our 80-ish quotes on manhood and reflect on why it stands out to you. Does it reflect a man that you aren’t yet, but hope to be? Does one of them remind you of a great man in your life who you’ve tried to model? If you can’t seem to reflect on a single quote, just take the time to write out a few of them that you like. Doing so will keep them top-of-mind and perhaps lead to some thoughts later down the road.

I believe that this quote by Gothe reflects a lot of what I do, or at least try to do.  I don't strive to be a hero everyday, but I do try to model and carry the expectations of particular behaviors that strengthen character.

05 January

Big freeze starts today, going to the -30s, -40s, maybe even -50.  Anticipating no school tomorrow, and perhaps Tuesday as well.  Ridiculous to be waiting for an official call.

Reflecting on day 2: New beginning: turn this shit around.
A bit overreaching; not realistic.
This is better: Do things that make you happy.

Day 3: Decide on one positive habit you’d like to implement in your life. Whether seemingly mundane (like flossing) or perhaps life-altering (exercising every day), think of something you’d like to add to your life that will be beneficial. Then, think about the steps you’ll take to get there, and how you’ll keep yourself accountable.

I have a slew of habits that have gone by the wayside.  Not sure where to start, but need to start somewhere: Flossing.  Easily something that can be done, but not always done. 

Day 4: Via negativia; today, pick a habit that you’d like to eliminate from your life. Bad habits are like armpits, we all have ‘em and they all stink. Whether cutting soda out of your life, or putting a stop to your porn addiction; either way, as with yesterday, think about the steps you’ll take in order to put the kibosh on that negative habit. And again, also think about how you’ll keep yourself accountable to that goal.

Picked up a few bad habits...  Have been working on the smoking since June, and now down to one a day.  Not perfect, but comfortable.  Give up soda and drink more water.  Done it before, can do it again.

Day 5: Write a letter to a loved one. Chances are high that there is someone in your life that you’d like to say something important to. Maybe it’s a wife, a parent, a grandparent you never really got to say goodbye to…take the time today to write that out. It can be positive, negative, or anywhere in between. The beauty of this letter is that you aren’t sending it in the mail, you’re simply “voicing” something that needs to be said. Should you choose to share it later, that’s okay, but you don’t have to. Doing this can be a great way to heal anger that’s been pent up inside, or to release a pressure valve of sadness we may have been harboring over something lost.

David,
I thank you for the many experiences we have shared and continue to share, but sadly, I am not very happy anymore.  I see the unhappiness in you as well.  I can point the blame at you, and you can point it at me; a pointless exercise and there is nothing to be gained from it.
Sadly, we are going to continue to do this dance, missing out on experiences if we went solo, but we feel "safe" with what we have, so that is what it will be.  At least for now.  And I am OK with that.
Jason

2014 Begins..... 02 Jan

Day 1: Start with answering the question of why you want to journal, and beyond that, why you decided to embark on this 31-day experience. Write out what you’d like to get from journaling.

I want to get back to journaling regularly to bring back direction and focus.  I've found myself very disorganized and scatter-minded, and, frankly, not happy with much of anything.

 Day 2: Continuing to work within that idea of constraints, try to write a 6-word memoir of your life so far. This idea is rumored to have originated from Papa Hemingway. The benefit is that with only six words, you really have to filter your life to what you deem most important. It may take you many iterations, but you’ll end up with something that speaks largely to who you are, if not in toto, then at least in this moment in time.

New beginning: turn this shit around.